ByMatthew Surprenant, writer at Creators.co
Matthew is an eclectic horror & adventure author currently residing in CA. http://matthewscottauthor.wordpress.com/
Matthew Surprenant

Every now and then a movie comes out that’s good, but the marketing department seems to think making the name obtuse or hokey will help sales. Other times it’s just a bad movie getting an equally bad title. Either way, they’re fun.

Octopussy

I only count 5!
I only count 5!

What does this even mean? Does someone have 8 vaginas? Austin Powers in Goldmember is a more mature title.

The Constant Gardener

Pictured above: gardening.
Pictured above: gardening.

While we get it’s a metaphor…the image is funny. He spends all day gardening. He doesn’t stop to eat, sleep or poo. If moping and getting a replacement for your dead ex is gardening, he’s a pro at it.

A Good Day to Die Hard

Enough with the puns!
Enough with the puns!

Fun movies, bad titles: Die Harder, Live Free or Die Hard, A Good Day to Die Hard. Die Hard with a Vengeance was generic, but worked well enough. The titles could at least have something to do with the movies. I’d propose the 4th entry be Die Hard: Fire Sale, but that’s just me.

Don’t Tell Mom the Babysitter’s Dead

Nice Photoshop......
Nice Photoshop......

What sounds like a gleefully dark comedy only covers the first several minutes of the film. It’s really about kids learning responsibility, getting jobs, figuring out how to get along and all that jazz.

Honey, I Shrunk the Kids

Honey, I Writed a Title.
Honey, I Writed a Title.

Shrank. Amazing movie, but improper phrasing. Put this alongside Can’t Hardly Wait and we have a bad grammar cocktail. At least they didn’t make something called Honey I Blown up the Kid.

Quackser Fortune has a Cousin in the Bronx

Still a better title than Gene Wilder Shovels Sh*t.
Still a better title than Gene Wilder Shovels Sh*t.

This title isn’t fitting of an R-rated dramedy staring Gene Wilder, a dung-scooper who has to deal with his love moving to America.

Lucky Number Slevin

Bruce Willis and a bad title.  I see a trend.
Bruce Willis and a bad title.  I see a trend.

Slevin? That’s not a name or a number. Actually, it’s the name of the horse in the movie, which is random at its core. Still, I had fun.

Phffft!

I always called it That Jack Lemmon Movie.
I always called it That Jack Lemmon Movie.

A divorced couple tries a hand at new relationships, only to mambo together. Phffft to you, Jack Lemmon!

ExistenZ

That's a controller that's plugged into her spine.
That's a controller that's plugged into her spine.

This Cronenberg gems is about a videogame possibly being damaged…then stuff gets weird. Still, even as a video game title, it’s pretty sad.

Police Academy 5: Assignment: Miami Beach

Spacing eliminates a colon.  Good work!
Spacing eliminates a colon.  Good work!

If the assignment title wasn’t dumb enough, the subtitle didn't do it any favors.

Rambo: First Blood Part 2

Rambo 2...when no movie was called Rambo until #4.
Rambo 2...when no movie was called Rambo until #4.

I once saw PlayStation Magazine call this Rambo Part 1: First Blood Part 2 as a joke. Let’s see. The movie containing two numbers is bit confusing to those who hadn’t heard of the first title in the series, but then they go and make all that a subtitle. Wouldn’t the next movie be called Rambo 2: First Blood Part 3? Nope. They just called it Rambo 3. I know I'll get comments explaining the logic. Bring them on!

What titles do you consider the worst? Any I missed?

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