Batman and Robin. Needless to say, we have all seen this flick as kids and even then it didn't seem all that impressive. George Clooney is a good actor, but playing Batman was not his strong suit. Arnold Schwarzenegger? Well, he had a couple of cheesy lines, but what can you do? Terminators are not that good with words. Bane? Let's not even talk about him. Darkness would have hardly wanted to be his ally in those days.
Keep calm Joel Schumacher, this article does not intend to bash your creation. Millions of people have done that already. Still, it's a good thing you decided to apologise.
No, this article will instead bring enlightenment on one of the things which have been the topic of numerous conversations throughout the years. Batfans, are you ready? Are you ready to learn the truth behind the bat nipples?
How can I even write an article about this horrible idea, you ask? What practical reasons could there be for those horrible abominations? There is just one reason, actually. It may not sound as legit as we hope, but it's a reason nevertheless.
Imagine that you are a criminal who is breaking into a museum to steal some priceless pieces of art. Just the job for Catwoman, if you ask me. So, you plan to sell the items you manage to obtain on the black market. Who wouldn't love to have the original Mona Lisa in their home, right? Some items you might even keep for yourself as a souvenir.
Every second feels like eternity. You know one wrong move can jeopardise the entire mission. You breathe slowly and you try to make as less noise as possible. You are very careful, not to trigger any alarms and yet you enjoy this. The adrenaline rush, the deep concentration, it feels as though you are one with the environment around you. It's dark and quiet. It's so peaceful, like all the priceless paintings and statues have been left here for the taking.
Almost done. One more statue and you're good to go. But suddenly! The window breaks and a dark figure flies into the room.
You know that thing is too large to be a regular bird or any other animal. You get your gun out. The Batman stands in front of you with all his might. All the stories you have heard start popping up into your mind. How he's managed to beat up a whole gang with bare hands. How when he looks into your eyes, you feel fear. You are ready to shoot when you see something odd about him.
"What the hell are those? He has nipples on his suit?" you think to yourself. What purpose could those possibly have?
A moment later you feel a fist of steel hitting your face. You drop the gun and go down. End of the story.
Moral of the story: you might have had a chance to shoot or at least try to shoot the Batman if only the nipples hadn't distracted you. As a matter of fact all they ever do is distract. Not to mention give the dark knight a bad name.
So there you have it. The mystery behind the bat nipples is solved. Distraction. Good thing he has a cape, otherwise we'd be looking at his but plates.
I'd like to acknowledge Dorkly's post on the bat nipples as the main inspiration behind this article. I must admit, you have a point.
I'd also like to share with you this blog post of Batman art. Let's try to forget that horrible movie ever existed.
If you liked this article, be sure to check another one I did some time ago called 3 Worst Places You Should Never Ever Move To.