You’d think that if somebody walked into a studio and said “’Gilligan’s Island’ is cool and all, but it should be in space,” that they’d be laughed out of the office. Apparently though, CBS thought it would make the perfect Saturday morning cartoon.
Apparently, in an attempt to get off the island, the Professor was able to build a spaceship. Unfortunately, the spaceship rockets too far off and the gang gets stuck on another planet that just happens to support human life. What’s even stranger about this show is the fact that they got most of the original cast members (except for Tina Louise) to reprise their roles.
Not surprisingly, the show was cancelled after one season and 13 episodes. However, one still has to give it credit for making more sense than the last season of “Lost.”
Laverne and Shirley in the Army
On the subject of classic sitcoms, I can only imagine what the thought process was to decide that Laverne and Shirley should be enlisted in the U.S. military. Like “Gilligan’s Planet,” this show had the main cast reprise their roles. Some new cast members include a strict drill sergeant and a talking pig named Sgt. Squealy.
Now, simply centering a show around two sitcom characters joining the military would be weird enough, but adding a talking animal to the mix is just pushing it. What’s next? How about a show where the cast of “Full House” is hired by a talking tiger named “Putin” to work for the KGB?
Pretty much every kid who grew up in the early 90’s is familiar with the “Sonic the Hedgehog” games. They were music games about a dystopian society where music is banned. After finding his long-lost siblings, Sonic must fulfill a prophecy to defeat the evil dictator, Dr. Robotnik and restore peace by finding their mother: the noble Queen Aleena. To do this, players must use the power of magical musical instruments to defeat…oh wait…that’s just the bizarre premise for this show. Now, this isn’t the first cartoon based on the “Sonic the Hedgehog” video game series, but it is certainly the weirdest.
Remember the “Sonic the Hedgehog” game where you played musical instruments to defeat your enemies and performed songs that would make the collaboration album of Metallica and Lou Reed sound good? I didn’t think so. Besides the inaccuracy to the games, this show makes the odd decision to not only have Jaleel White (who played Urkel on Family Matters and Sonic on previous shows) reprise his role as Sonic, but to have him play Sonic’s sister, Sonia. Now, I have nothing against his performance as Sonic, but his portrayal of his sister sounds EXACTLY like Urkel. I just can’t help picturing Urkel in a dress reading the lines. Oh, and the songs are terrible…
Kung Fu Dino Posse
Between “Battletoads,” “Street Sharks,” “Cowboys of Moo Mesa,” and “Cheetahmen,” the 80’s and 90’s had its fair share of “Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles” rip-offs. However, in 2009, the Starz Network decided to air this poorly-made knockoff. Created by Peter Lenkov, the man responsible for last year’s notorious flop: “R.I.P.D.,” “Kung Fu Dino Posse” centers around four dinosaurs who are awoken from a frozen state to fight crime in modern times.
Now, putting aside that this show is a knockoff of TMNT, I’m not quite sure why they chose the word “Posse” to describe them. Apparently the words “Team” and “Group” weren't cool enough, so they had to use a word commonly associated with a duo of rapping clowns. One would be quick to notice that the animation is so choppy, that it makes knockoff Disney animatronics look smooth. The dialogue barely even syncs up with the characters’ mouths. Moreover, the premises of the episodes range from generic road trips to a disturbingly juvenile episode involving using flatulence to power a jetpack-diaper. I felt my IQ lower by 100 points just by typing that.
Almost Naked Animals
Can you believe that this is for kids? Yes, it sounds like something you’d see on Comedy Central or MTV, but this Canadian catastrophe recently aired on Cartoon Network in the U.S. On a network famous for successful shows like “Adventure Time” and “Regular Show,” one would think that there would be some form of quality control.
Filled with ugly character designs, poor animation, constant toilet humor and forced acting, one at least has to give this show credit for being memorably terrible. Just one frame of this show is bound to give anyone with a respect for animation a heart attack. In addition to Justin Bieber’s behavior, the mere fact that this show exists can easily leave another unfortunate stain on Canada’s reputation.
Super Duper Sumos
Sumo wrestling: an honorable tradition that has a significant place in Japanese culture. It is a sport where the athletes skillfully craft themselves to be immovable objects with specific diets and exercise. They may not be the healthiest people in the world (in fact, many suffer from diabetes), but they still work hard at and respect what they do. Yep, sounds like the perfect setup for a slapstick kids’ show to me.
Kids surely don’t need to know about the tradition of sumo wrestling. All they need to know is that sumo wrestlers look fat and have big butts, so they are therefore hilarious. This show is so reliant on fat jokes, that its theme song has the line “they’ve got guts AND BUTTS.” In fact, when I’ve first heard about this show, I couldn’t decide whether the creators wanted to make kids laugh with fat jokes or if they had some Sir-Mix-A-Lot-style obsession for large posteriors. The world may never know, but considering that there's an episode called "I'm Too Sexy for my Butt," I’m going to assume the latter.