ByJames M. Tate, writer at Creators.co
Top Shark Cinema Writer at CultFilmFreaks.com and Now a Movie Pilot Remora...
James M. Tate

Everyone now knows that along with the upcoming [Star Wars: Episode VII](movie:711158) movie, there will be several spinoff projects, including the solo ventures of Han, Yoda, Boba, et al!

So let's take a look at some spin-offs for Star Wars characters we'll probably never see, but should!

1) BIGGS OF TATOOINE

Centers on Luke's cool older friend, the mustached stud Biggs Darklighter, who winds up joining the Rebels months before his frustrated crony, who has to stick around with his uncle on a moisture farm... While the land scene with Biggs was cut from A NEW HOPE, he appears as one of the flyboys in the final battle verses the Death Star... While the rebels ultimately win, Biggs loses, but the spinoff will center on his nightlife reign on Tatooine, hanging with wild cards like Windy Starkiller at their party base hangout, Tosche Station.

2) THIS IS CANTINA BAND

Will take a look at the Cantina band, that jazz/fusion ensemble that keeps the eclectic creature bar grooving till all hours of the night, which might possibly be a pseudo-documentary, focusing on rifts between band members instigated by creative differences within the group.

3) CHANGE OF THE GUARD

Revolving around one particular Gamorrean Guard who wants an identity of his own... In fact, you'll known this pig-soldier of Jabba's Palace as he's the one in RETURN OF THE JEDI who gets thrown to the Rancor Monster while his "pals" cheer his untimely death. The prequel will center on why the revolutionary hog was so hated within the Bounty Hunter palace. And how that fatal shove may not have been accidental.

4) HAMMERHEAD NIGHTS

Will follow the exploits of Hammerhead from the original STAR WARS: A NEW HOPE, and how he deals with smuggling rivals such as Walrus Man and Snaggletooth. And the overlong scientific names that Lucas came up with years later won't be in the film. Only the monikers listed above, distinguishing their action figures in the 1970's will be used... for nostalgia's sake.

5) THE NUNB FACTOR

The tale of Nien Nunb, a frog or turtle like creature who, as you'll remember, co-piloted the Falcon with Lando during the second Death Star battle in RETURN OF THE JEDI. The story will center on Nunb's upbringing, bullied at school for having such a stupid name.

6) CRUMB

This will center on the cackling little pest that served as Jabba's lapdog, Salacious B. Crumb, and might even have strange erotic undertones, as anyone who remembers the creepy way Salacious stared at Jabba's wagging tale will understand. And the most highly anticipated spinoff will center on.

7) PORKINS IN SPACE!

The tubby rebel flyer, Porkins, will be shown eating Bantha Burgers at a record time and partying hard at the "University" before being reluctantly recruited into the Rebellion.

By James M. Tate

www.cultfilmfreaks.com

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