After milking the elevator scandal for all it's worth with a series of ancient Instagram pictures to prove that it's all butterflies and flowers in the Beyhive, Beyonce has released an official statement.
Needless to say, it tells us absolutely nothing!
The simulacrum of familial perfection spun by the Knowles family has been built up for far too long to be shattered by a mere crotch kicking elevator slap fest.
In fact, the only thing that we learn is that, although Solange fights like a dyspraxic ninja on bath Salts, she is apparently as sober as a judge. Beyonce opened up her illustrious mouth and belched out this big chunk of nothingness;
As a result of the public release of the elevator security footage from Monday, May 5th, there has been a great deal of speculation about what triggered the unfortunate incident. But the most important thing is that our family has worked through it. Jay and Solange each assume their share of responsibility for what has occurred. They both acknowledge their role in this private matter that has played out in the public. They both have apologized to each other and we have moved forward as a united family.
The reports of Solange being intoxicated or displaying erratic behavior throughout that evening are simply false. At the end of the day families have problems and we’re no different. We love each other and above all we are family. We've put this behind us and hope everyone else will do the same
Never have 150 words said so little!
I guess we will never know why Solange tried to claw Jay-Z's eyes out, but one thing is certain. There is no way the tabloids will be following Beys advice and 'putting this behind them' for at least 6 months.
Which elevator beatdown rumors do you believe?
Will we ever know what went on in that elevator?
(Images: Huffington Post)