Oh great another Adam Sandler movie. Wait a minute, Drew Barrymore is the co-star, no Nick Swardson? Then there is a chance that this one will be good right?…right?
Blended is the latest paid vacation disguised as a movie for and from Adam Sandler, but also his third collaboration with Drew Barrymore, after The Wedding Singer and 50 First Dates. Adam Sandler plays a man who lost his wife to cancer and has three daughters and Drew Barrymore plays a woman who divorced her husband and has two sons. The movie starts out with them on a blind date at Hooters that simply doesn’t work out. Soon afterwards through a series of coincidences, both of them end up scoring vacations to Africa at the same exact resort and the two families are forced to spend their week long vacation with each other and unless you don’t watch a lot of movies, you can tell exactly what’s going to happen and how the movie is going to play out. Now back in my Grown Ups 2 review I’ve mentioned that I don’t like Adam Sandler movies, but I can’t say I don’t like all of them. Probably the best movie I’ve seen of his was 50 First Dates which has Drew Barrymore, and I’ve heard from people that The Wedding Singer was great, which also has Drew Barrymore. So I figured that co-starring with Drew Barrymore in this movie would be a good sign, especially since his last few movies were awful. So after seeing Blended, I can safely say that this movie is better than his last few movies, BUT it’s still terrible. In the first ten seconds of this movie I wanted to walk out, it starts out with Drew Barrymore’s kids going nuts and acting like they have some sort of mental disability. In fact one thing that I’ve noticed in Adam Sandlers movies, is that he is the straight man in all of his movies, while everyone else around him act like fucking morons. Drew Barrymore isn’t that way in this movie but her kids and most of the side characters definitely feel like that. For example her oldest son who everyone refers to as Frodo from The Lord of the Rings has a hard-on for his babysitter and will often glue her face onto the body of some hot super-model and masturbate to that.
The movie is full of pratfalls, sex jokes, and just a bunch of lame running jokes, such as Drew Barrymore’s oldest son and the fact that Adam Sandler's oldest daughter is constantly mistaken for a boy. However the thing that always makes me made about these Adam Sandler movies is the fact that they are all paid vacations. They go to this very nice family resort in Africa, and it just makes me mad that these movies are made with no effort at all, only to have a vacation that the studio pays for. I will admit however, that if Adam Sandler offered me a small role or the chance to be an extra in one of his movies, and the movie happened to be somewhere nice like in Hawaii, you would bet your ass I would say yes without giving a second thought.
It also features a couple of cameos by people who really should be doing better things than appear in this movie. Joel McHale (on the verge of Community getting cancelled) is in the movie as Barrymore’s ex-husband with nothing to really do except play Jeff Winger if he had kids. Terry Crews is one of the dancers at the African resort and at first I kind of liked him, but he kept popping up too often and his only job was to sing songs that point out the obvious plot point that just happened, just in case the audience was too stupid to tell for themselves (which given the IQ of the Happy Madison audience, it’s probably helpful that someone is pointing out a plot point that just happened). Also Shaq is in this movie. That’s all I’m going to say and just like Grown Ups 2 he has no reason to be in it.
Now one thing that I can actually compliment this movie for is that there are two scenes in which Adam Sandler is describing his first wife and all the fun times he and his daughters had with her, and those scenes were actually pretty well done and a bit emotional. However the first time they did it, the scene was ruined by a joke about Adam Sandlers' oldest daughter being on her period (I’ll just leave it at that since I would be going into restricted territory). I did get a few chuckles throughout the movie, with the ultimate highlight probably being whenever something bad happens to Drew Barrymore’s oldest son. I know it’s wrong to laugh at child abuse, but that’s all I found amusing when the rest of the humor is pretty bad. I also kind of liked the chemistry between Sandler and Barrymore. So I can’t say that I hate the movie. It’s still pretty terrible, but after movies like Jack and Jill, That’s My Boy, and Grown Ups 2, which were just down right awful, I’m glad that this one didn’t make me want to claw my eyes out with a knife. I still cannot recommend this movie to anyone, there is no reason anyone should even see it. The best thing to do is to go with your family or friends on a vacation of your own, rather than pay eight dollars to see Adam Sandler go on a vacation for the millionth time and accidentally make a movie in the process.