As Randy from the Scream series pointed out to horror movie lovers everywhere, there are certain rules that apply to most films in this genre. This is especially true of B-Horror movies; ever notice how many times a woman is stripping to get in the shower just as the killer/monster is getting ready to kill her? As with anything involving rules,there are of course, exceptions but they are few.
The rules are fairly simple and should never be ignored (especially if you are trying to survive in a horror movie). The following is a list of some of my favorite horror movie rules, be sure to add your own favorites in the comments section!
Rule #1: Horror movie characters must never, ever under any circumstances, do drugs, smoke, drink alcohol, or have sex! If they do, they will not live long enough to enjoy it (on the up side, no hangovers!). Doing any one of these things constitutes a sin and sin in a horror movie equals a quick, but very painful death.
Rule #2: Police officers never believe that there is a killer or monster lose and those same police officers will meet an untimely end. It is a well know fact that police officers almost never live through a horror movie. Why? Because it is against the rules and policemen always follow the rules! Right? Hmmmm........ Of course there is occasionally, one officer that believes the main character(s) but they are generally one of the first to die. The sad life of a horror movie cop........
Rule #3: Characters should never call out "Who's there?" when there is a knock on the door late at night or they hear a sound in the next room. This ensures that they will, in fact, die when they find out who exactly is there. Another form of this one is "Hello?", same effect.
Rule #4: If a main character has a pet (especially if that pet is a dog) they and their pet will die. On the bright side, the pet is thought of as a saint because generally, it dies valiantly attempting to save its master, to no avail of course.
Rule #5: Horror movie characters should never propose or announce a pregnancy or pretty much share any good news. If they do, they will die shortly after making the proclamation.
Rule #6: If you are in a horror movie, be very cautious of where you live. Stay away from the back roads and chainsaw stores in Texas, Do not travel the remote back roads of West Virginia. Avoid all small towns in Maine. Never live on a street named Elm Street. Do not tend to old hotels that are closed for the season. Never stop at a hotel by the name of Bates and never go to a town called Amityville. You get the picture.
Good luck, I hope you live through your horror movie!