ByBarley Guy, writer at Creators.co
20 something, horror loving, left leaning feminist. Horror reviews: http://www.acanadianhorrorstory.com
Barley Guy

Alright, before I even start, I’m going to say it right now :

THIS REVIEW CONTAINS SPOILERS OF VARYING DEGREE. IF YOU THINK THAT SPOILERS ARE THE WORST THING IN THE HISTORY OF MOVIES AND THEY WILL AFFECT YOUR ABILITY TO ENJOY A MOVIE AT ALL, DON’T READ THIS REVIEW.

ALSO, THIS REVIEW CONTAINS COARSE LANGUAGE. SO. Yeah.

Now, with that out of the way—- it’s Godzilla

You’ve all seen the trailers, you’ve all heard of the giant lizard monster, and you guys all know the deal. So, here’s the plot just for the sake of tradition.

The world’s most famous monster is pitted against malevolent creatures who, bolstered by humanity’s scientific arrogance, threaten our very existence.

Alright, so that’s aside now, and you guys know I’m probably going to be throwing in some spoilers here, so I’m going to tell you guys what I thought.

I’m going to start with the positive first, because the movie is not without it’s definite positives.First off, Godzilla looks fucking fantastic. The old monster design is back, and it is so satisfying to see ol’ chubby legs stomping around again. Especially after his abhorrent makeover in the 90s flick we all hated. The effects are great, and you get a pretty good sense of the enormity of this huge monster.

On top of that, the monster fights are absolutely fantastic. The devastation and mayhem they cause is really fun to watch and really does bring out what you want in a monster movie.

I’ll be totally honest, there’s a moment in the movie when Godzilla’s tail lights up in blue, and he just blasts the Coverfield monster with super awesome electric blasts. So wildly satisfying.

Speaking of Cloverfield monsters, the two creatures Godzilla does battle with are basically that monster. One has wings, one doesn’t, both are serious shit-stompers and again, just such great effects in the monster department.

Alright, now it’s time to talk about the negative. I wish I could say that this movie was the cinematic event of the summer, and I think everyone should go out and see it, and it’s the god damn greatest monster movie in the history of time.

The thing is you guys, I was genuinely disappointed. The trailers for this movie kept the suspense at just the right level, we got an idea of what was coming, and it got people wildly excited. Myself included. I was on board the hype-train in the biggest way.

This is where the first problem arrives. The movie tries to build suspense and build up to the arrival of Godzilla, for way too long. As far as I’m concerned, Godzilla should have been on screen right after his name came up on the screen with epic music behind it. Needless to say, he isn’t.

This movie runs at just over 2 hours, and Godzilla is probably on screen for around 40 minutes. So we have a Godzilla movie with very little Godzilla, and we spend a good majority of the movie following around Bryan Cranston’s son as he tries to help the military and make his way back to his wife. I mean, maybe it’s just me, but I don’t really give a shit what the military is doing, or the human drama around a soldier and his wife and kid in a GODZILLA MOVIE! I’m there to see God-fucking-zilla smash cities and fight monsters. It just didn’t really fit the spirit of what I know Godzilla movies to be. Or even really what monster movies should be.

Another big problem, that is kind of related to the last one, is that the monster battles seem to happen in the back ground of the movie almost.

Remember Cloverfield? The monster and its rampage took place in the background because of the perspective that found-footage movies have. It made sense then, and whether you loved or hated that movie, you can probably agree to that much. Well, this movie has a similar feel even though it is told in a traditional way, you could have incredible monster battles or rampages and not need to worry about the justification. Instead we follow people, on the ground instead of showing the devastation of what is going on.

Alright, I’m going to stop there so that this review doesn’t go on forever. so lets get down to what I thought overall. So, in general, the movie is fun and does have some hugely satisfying moments. However, it just doesn’t deliver what I wanted in a GODZILLA reboot. The performances are relatively bland from the main characters, but we do get some awesome performances from Ken Watanabe (Inception), and Bryan Cranston of course does deliver, however I have to say, this movie does pull a “Place Beyond The PInes” where he’s concerned. That’s a pretty major spoiler if you’ve seen The Place Beyond the Pines, but yeah. He really isn’t in it as long as you expect him to be.

Aaron Tyler Johnson (Kick-Ass) is bland, and forgettable and Elizabeth Olsen hasn’t really got anything to do except be sad that her husband isn’t around. The movie honestly focuses way too much on these characters, and that is a real part of the reason the movie doesn’t do what I wanted it to.

I’m not going to tell you it’s a BAD movie, because it really isn’t. It just wasn’t what I had hoped for from a Godzilla movie. I had personally hoped for something a little more like Pacific Rim, straight into the action and watching our dear old friend Godzilla stomp around. I just didn’t get that. It felt like it was in the wrong spirit, and that was really the issue that disappointed me.

If you’re going to see this movie, go big, see it in IMAX goddamn 3D with DBOX seats and some guy spraying you with water when it’s raining in the movie. Make it a real experience, and make it as big as possible.

Is it good? Sure. Is it what it was built up to be? No. It just isn’t.

So lets end this now, and I’m sure you guys will have your own thoughts on it. Did you see it? Did you like it? Tell me what you thought of the movie, what you think of my review and how hard I should go fuck myself.

FINAL GRADE : C

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FOR MORE OF MY REVIEWS, PLEASE CHECK OUT: BARLEYDOESHORROR.TUMBLR.COM

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