ByTyler Sparks, writer at Creators.co
Founder of http://horriblyhooched.com/. I chew glass and shit highballs. I like booze, I like horror, I write boozy reviews about horror.
Tyler Sparks

New rule: Anyone attempting to get another found footage project green lit has to sit through EVERY OTHER found footage movie since Blair Witch.

Seriously. Learn from your fucking peers and put the goddamn shaky camera the fuck DOWN.

Anyway…I snagged this lil tidbit from IMDB:

“The filmmakers have said they approached the movie as a “creepy thriller” and “unsettling love story” rather than a horror movie, which is how the film was marketed by Fox.”

While it could be just a desperate attempt to recoop a little bit of face after abject failure, I’ll give them a LITTLE more credit as I’m fully aware what a shitty marketing campaign can do to a movie. Set your viewers expectations inaccurately and they’ll be let down, sometimes catastrophically (as in my case)

One of the few creepy moments and they gave it away in the trailer
One of the few creepy moments and they gave it away in the trailer

Summary

The intro is handled quite well, in terms of story telling. We immediately are told (indirectly) that since wifey Samantha (played by Allison Miller) didn’t have much of a childhood (or ANY really) hubby Zach (played by Zach Gilford) will be documenting as much as possible, in order to create a family record.

Sweet intentions, and the perfect vehicle for just about everything you’ve come to expect from a found footage Paranormal Activity clone.

While on honey moon, the happy couple allows a totally not-devil-worshipping taxi driver to take them to a private club where they drink too much and presumably Satan gets his freak on in wifey’s womb.

Upon returning to the states, they discover that ‘joy o joy’ they’re pregnant, and shit proceeds to get good and proper weird. Not to give too much away but if you’ve seen the Omen, this would likely be analogous to a prequel. Satan, a cult, the antichrist, you get the picture. I’m not giving any spoilers but an aids riddled lobotomized monkey could figure out how this gem ends.

Dear Diary: Today I got a lil stabby
Dear Diary: Today I got a lil stabby

Conclusions

I had to watch it twice, as the first time I nearly drowned in whiskey trying to get to the point where I was enjoying the flick.

So.

BLEHHHHHHH

BLEEEEHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

I tried, I really did – some of the performances are occaisonally believable, the special effects aren’t exactly shitty, one time I was nearly creeped out – I mean. Sure. If you’re new to the genre, you might get a kick out of this one. Just…make sure you do a few dozen shots first.

Of pure ethanol.

3/10 – Nothing new. Same shit, different backdrop

TRAILER

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