So I have been skeptical of movies that have or are coming out this year since I was utterly disappointed the year before with The Conjuring, The Purge, Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters, Movie 43, Safe Haven, Tyler Perry’s Temptation, Gangster Squad, Beautiful Creatures, and my all time favorite terrible movie of last year was Identity Thief.
What happened to creative and surprising movies? What happened to putting heart into a movie? I may be wrong with my choices of terrible movies but this is just my opinion. You can agree to disagree.
The Conjuring? Not even a little scary, I have seen scarier things while watching Teletubbies. This movie is about paranormal investigators that help a family living on a farmhouse get rid of ghostly entities. I was not scared at all, I just wanted the movie to be over the moment I turned it on.
The Purge? Who thought it was a good idea to have movie that allows crimes for 12 hours while doing whatever you want with no repercussions? If this is the future, I don’t want it. Ethan Hawke’s character was not convincing enough. The movie could’ve done better, a whole lot better. It had the formula to be a great movie but it just went in a direction I didn’t like. A well-written movie is the way to go and this my friend was far from well written.
Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters was just terrible. The movie and the book are two different things. In the book Hansel and Gretel were adorable kids that walk through the woods stumbling upon a house made out of candy with a witch just waiting to cook them and eat them. The movie started to go in that direction and than they grew up into bloodthirsty witch hunters, slaying every with out there. It was gory, not entertaining, and just down right dumb. I get it; they are pissed about almost dying at the hands of a crusty old witch but still, are we that convinced that this would remotely happen when they are adults? Avenge every witch they come across? There are good witches out there dammit, don’t kill them all because you’re pissed.
Movie 43, oh Movie 43. I didn’t realize that this movie was just a bunch of movie ideas presented to Greg Kinnear by the crazy bomb-wielding, gun toting Dennis Quaid all because he wanted him to make a movie out of his ideas. This movie was disgusting. That is hard for me to say since I can tolerate pretty gruesome things like that one movie with Shaq, Kazaam; even IMDB gave Kazaam a 2.7 out of 10, it’s that gruesome. This movie wasn’t funny at all; the only good thing about this movie was Emma Stone. I would suggest being completely inebriated prior to watching this movie so that you can pass out and never remember watching it.
Oh Safe Haven how could you be so bad? I know that this is based off of the Nicholas Sparks book and a lot of his books turned movies are great, however this was just terrible, I am ashamed someone talked me into watching this awful movie. I am even more ashamed that I paid $5.00 to see this crap show. The movie is Lifetime Movie Network material, you have the mysterious girl (Julianne Hough) running from her “past” even though all the stuff that happened to her was in the present time, she runs away from her abusive husband, ending up in Southport which is in North Carolina. She buys a house, gets a job there, and of course meets the dapper Josh Duhamel. What happens next is so predictable. I didn’t like this movie at all; I tried to but just couldn’t get past the bad storyline. The best part about the movie was when Julianne Hough fell off her bicycle, my boyfriend and I were the only two laughing, all the pre teens and their moms couldn’t stop crying.
Tyler Perry’s Temptation: Confessions of a Marriage Counselor AKA Confessions of a Marriage Counselor AKA a movie where Tyler Perry doesn’t play a cross dressing angry woman. I love Tyler Perry movies, I didn’t see this in the theater though, I really wanted to so to my surprise it was on Netflix, I thought this was a win/win for me. I watched this movie one night with my boyfriend and I felt two emotions, I felt sad at the outcome of the story of this movie and anger for wasting 111 minutes of my time watching this terrible movie. The commercial for the movie showed the best parts of the movie. The movie is about a married woman getting caught up in the temptations (you guessed it) of a suave rich man. The movie has betrayal and sadness, which obviously changes her life forever. This movie was terrible, the message was there but honestly it was one Tyler Perry movie I could do without.
Gangster Squad has guns, Emma Stone, Ryan Gosling, Sean Penn, bad acting, a terrible story line, more guns, and more bad acting. I was bored watching this movie. From start to finish this movie didn’t catch my attention. The best parts of the movie were shown once again in the commercial for the movie. So I guess the movie takes place in Los Angeles in the 1940s, a whole bunch of secret police in a crew want to take down Mickey Cohen, the mob king. It was so bad that not even Emma Stone could save this movie. I love movies that take place in the 40s but this movie was just not good enough, glad I only paid under $2.00 at Redbox for this catastrophe.
Beautiful Creatures was Twilight meets Sabrina the Teenage Witch. Mysterious girl meets a guy in a small town, they together uncover the secrets of both of their families’ history. This movie was lame. I know it’s a young adult movie and I usually like most young adult books and movies but this was boring and not creative at all. Again another Redbox find, glad I didn’t waste $11.50 at the theater but not glad I had to pay through Redbox. Redbox should pay me to watch these terrible movies.
Finally Identity Thief, this movie has Jason Bateman, Melissa McCarthy, an unwanted road trip, identity theft of Jason Bateman, Melissa McCarthy’s unfunny ass, bad joke after joke. This was a stale comedy that never should have been made or it should’ve been written better. I think Jason Bateman and Melissa McCarthy are hilarious but this didn’t do them any justice at all.