Now if you follow my posts regularly, you will know that I am one of those people who is 110% against Hollywood remakes, and I have been accused of being old fashioned more times than once! Today I am going to be listing five of the latest remakes in the works, which absolutely no one asked for or wants to see. But it's all for the money of course, so why not remake and trash a classic film?
#5 - Stephen King's IT (1990)
Now I imagine your first thought here is probably "Well, who is going to play Pennywise the clown? Surely no one can do it better than Tim Curry!" and to be honest, you're probably right. The thing that has got me most upset about all the films on this list, is that they are all fairly modern films (in the greater scheme of things) and are totally watchable and entertaining by today's standards. Okay, to be fair the original movie was quite a poor effort compared to the book, and in all honesty Mr Curry's performance is probably the only good thing about it at all. Despite this, I still stand by my word - ALL movies need AT LEAST a good 30 years before they get this familiar money fueled remake treatment. I mean, it's not like it's in black and white, or so out dated that we can't even understand why it was popular 'back in the day' right?
I hate to tell you guys this, but there are rumors that the comedian 'Carrot Top' has signed up to play Pennywise, but nothing official has been released as of yet, so I guess we will just have to hope and pray that these really are just rumors! I mean really, who could pull off a better demonic clown than Tim Curry? Hmm, perhaps Johnny Depp. Yes, I think I might actually like that idea. Anyway, despite who ends up playing 'IT', I would really like to see Mr Curry have a small cameo appearance, maybe he could play the father of one of the kids? Or maybe he could just come back and play Pennywise again!
#4 - Child's Play (1988)
Now maybe I'm a little extra touchy about this one because it's one of my favorite films of all time, or maybe I'm actually right in saying that it doesn't need a remake. But either way, IT DOESN'T NEED A REMAKE! Although Child's Play 7 has now been confirmed, they are going to do the new sequel - and then the remake. *Sigh. Okay, so the original is a bit dated, ya know, you can tell when it's the doll and when it's Mr Ed Gale, but what the heck, the movie's still brilliant!
Although this one COULD have potential, we're guaranteed to have more violence, more sex, more profanity, in fact more of everything that would be deemed inappropriate than we ever used to. Sure, it is a horror movie, but what's wrong with adding in a little bit of comedy here and there? No need to make it so depressing, inappropriate and over the top gory that you would just never want to watch it with your parents! Anyway, I might be alone with this one, as I do know that a lot of people are looking forward to it, but I just really can't understand why.
#3 The Grudge (2004)
The Grudge. Remade. But...but...but... it's 10 years old? TEN YEARS OLD! What more can I even say about this one? Well as I'm sure the majority of you horror hounds already know, this movie was a remake of the horrifying Japanese 'Ju-On The Grudge' which we can't reeeeaaallly complain about, because they were just making it so that both Japanese and English speaking audiences could enjoy the story! But when they go and attempt to remake an already remade film, which is only ten years old... Really?? Really!! The dollar signs were just flashing before their greedy eyes with this one.
Now this one was scary. Not as scary as the original Japanese Grudge, but lets be honest it was still pretty darn freaky. How you can remake that? Heck I don't know, but I'm sure they'll try their best, and fail hugely like the majority of remade films these days. But remaking a 2004...remake? I seriously can't get over that, like why would anyone even consider this one dated enough to need a remake? Make a sequel, or in 10 years a reboot, something, anything, just not a remake. Not this early, please.
Here's another one that is being done WAY too soon, and I actually got rather upset about this one, hence why I wrote a whole rage article on it previously! That's right folks, cult classic American Psycho is being remade, but not only is it being remade, but it's also going to be getting its own TV series, AND another musical. I'm not terribly upset about the musical, but I feel that the tv series is going to be a total embarrassment after reading the plot.
Anyway, back to the reason we're here for - complaining about things we cannot change or stop. If you can count, you'll be able to see that American Psycho is a fairly modern film, made in the 21st Century. You can tell that it is 14 years old, but.... does this matter? I certainly don't think so. The original is absolutely HILARIOUS, and if you think about it, it really is a socially commentary too (If you understood the ending). So it wasn't as grizzly as the book - and I mean sure, it WOULD be nice to see a movie more accurate to Bret Easton Ellis's novel, but I'm sure we can wait for AT LEAST 10 years. Longer, if you wouldn't mind.
#1 - The Crow (1994)
You may argue that this one is a 'supernatural action film' but I argue that it is a 'horror/thriller/action/suspensy kinda film', so maybe we will just have to agree to disagree. Nonetheless, whether you class it as horror or not, you died a little inside when you heard this was being remade. Admit it, you know it's true. And if you've only just found out now because of this article, then I sincerely apologize for ruining your day.
I don't think I have ever been more upset to hear of a movie being remade than this one, as it is honestly such a slap in the face to Brandon Lee's final performance. The Crow is damn awesome, no matter what your argument, and to try and remake it is sacrilege. This is another one where it's just like "Whyyyyyy would they do thattttt" - I can honestly say that NO ONE can ever remake this to the standard of the original, and no matter what points you make, your argument is totally invalid. There were rumors that Bradley Cooper was going to play Eric Draven, but that has since evaporated just like the originality in Hollywood movies.
This was a list of my top 5 remakes that no one asked for, but believe me, I could go on for a very loooong time. So I'll just make it quick and easy by saying:
"Also on the unnecessary remake train"
Van Helsing (2004)... 2004!
They Live (1988)
The Fly (1986)... Remake of a remake!
The Blob (1988) .... Remake of a remake, again.
Sleepaway Camp (1983)
Pet Sematary (1989)
Buffy The Vampire Slayer (1992)
So what do you think, which remake angers you the most? Or do you disagree with every sentence on this webpage and hate my guts? Either way, I'd love to know!
Which upcoming remake upsets you the most?
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