ByKarly Rayner, writer at
Movie Pilot's celebrity savant
Karly Rayner

Seeing as Gwyneth Paltrow believes that mean words hurt water's feelings (no, really, she does!), it should come as no surprise that she surrounds herself with an army of charlatan 'doctors' to smooth her holy aura and administer her cleansing colonics.

Anyone who indulges in the weekly Goop newsletters for a spot of comic relief will already know that Gwnnie just has to click her ethically manicured fingers for a massage therapist to pounce on her and start 'cupping' furiously. And now, we can finally find out where they spring from!

Apparently Paltrow has her own person entourage of medical professionals, who just so happened to never graduate medical school, that shadow her every move. Celebitchy reports that;

Gwyneth has an army of people looking after her health. The actress keeps a battalion of 20 medical care providers on call, including an allergist, blood analyst, naturopath and osteopath Vicky Vlachonis, whose actual skill set is murky.
She also has a stress-relief team comprising a meditation teacher, a yoga guru, a Qi Gong expert and not one but four different massage therapists for cupping, Rolfing, hot stones and shiatsu.
And while Gwyn touts herself as a kitchen all-star, her lithe figure is really due to her four nutritionists, three personal trainers and “detox advocate” Dr. Alejandro Junger, who puts her on his signature cleanses.
If anyone balks at all her gurus, she fires back that with her high-profile lifestyle, it’s necessary. Gwyneth should be the healthiest human walking the planet based on all the medical support she has!

I hands down believe every single word of this.

Anyone who thinks it is reasonable to sell a $1200 'keepsake box' is totally the sort to be down with an excessive entourage to look after her health - AKA tell her everything she wants to hear.

Hell, I don't have any medical knowledge, and I think I would love this job! Maybe I should just quit this writing gig and apply.

As the most delusional person in Hollywood, you just know that Goopy gets her army of home help to all sit down to eat no calorie soup water with her around the dinner table because she's just so 'real'... But then, when your back is turned, there is the risk she might silently pour arsenic into your goji berry tea for slipping one of her precious children a solitary Pringle.

Never change Gwynnie. Your quotes feed my spiritual void!


Are you surprised by Gwyneth Paltrow's health entourage?

(Source: Celebitchy)

(Images: Pop Sugar, The Housewife Wannabe)


Latest from our Creators