ByTHE IPC, writer at Creators.co
THE IPC

You know – I’ve had submissions for screeners twice. The first time was some movie with Tia Carrere who I had just met at a Star Trek Convention and she was a total bitch so I declined. This time around I got an email late on a Saturday night and the director seemed cool and I’m all about some independent film so I replied back and said “sounds good” (or something) but I still wasn’t totally sold. I mean, I’ve always thought about screening movies and wondered how objective I could be if someone went out of their way to send me some of their hard work… I KNOW my &^%$ is BULL&^%$ but I would hate to dog someone’s baby if I didn’t like it because it takes balls to make a movie and put it out there, but I also don’t want to come out here and *&^%ing sell out and lie, so I was leaning towards saying no, but then the director was cool enough to send me this:

While I have you, as I like to tell anyone kind enough to potentially review: I am in no way looking for a fluff piece etc. and I’m sure you don’t swing that way, to begin with. If it turns out you don’t dig the piece, please by all means be from the gut, and giddily enthusiastic in tearing it to ribbons, haha. I write on Cinema myself for a site and advocate strongly for raw honesty in matters of Film. Just like to say that in front, as I prefer feedback as unfiltered as possible. Not asking you not to like it, haha, just saying :)

*&^% yeah. Instant cred with me. So did I like it??

Like I said earlier, I think it takes balls to make a movie and I appreciate that a movie gets made and I support independent film but…..

Because the director was cool and kind enough to make time sending me his film, here’s a gentlemanly take on the movie:

No I didn’t like this one very much. The Good and Most Beloved Reader who has been around for any period of time knows that I don’t care for too much dialogue and this one was very dialogue heavy. In fact, there was very little action and it was mostly one guy talking the entire time. In double fact, at one point one character says to the other “If someone tied your hands behind your back, could you even speak?” This is a reference to the lead talking constantly and waving his hands around all over the place. Simply put, this isn’t my type of movie but the director seem pretty cool and I appreciate the chance to look at it. I bet he reads this (since he asked me to write about it) and I bet if you ask him, he’ll let you look at it too. Other people will probably like this more than I did. I just didn’t care for all of the yapping.

(In the end, I shot him an email asking about his site and he agreed for me to include the address in here, in case you want to give it a shot. I bet he would love to read your take on it! The place to find the movie is here: http://apublicransom.wordpress.com/ and the password is pransom)

And now, since Mr. Director Friend said he didn’t care if I tore it up, since he wants honesty, here’s my other take, in typical IPC style:

*&^%*&*(*&!!!! Will this guy EVER SHUT THE ***&^% UP??!?!??!?!??!! Who uses so much (*&^ing inflection???

BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH BLAH

And that’s just the first ten minutes or so when he’s talking on his cell phone. He then talks to his girl friend and then talks on his cell phone and then goes to some dude’s house and they do some talkin’ and then he talks on his phone a few more times and then talks to the girl again and then the guy and then the girl and then on his phone and then the guy again and he waves his arms around all over the fucking place and does some more talkin’.

Eventually he shuts his *&^%ing yap and walks around in the snowy night, smoking cigarettes. But that doesn’t last too long and he starts talking again and yelling and waving his arms around and jumping around a little bit and then it’s over. Like I said, some people will probably like this but it’s just not my type of movie.

I do thank you, Mr. Director Friend for letting me check out your movie. I prefer my movies with more blood and boobs.

Love,

THE IPC

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