I often daydream about how products make it through designers, committees, boardrooms and prototypes before anyone realizes they look like a giant wang.
These sins are normally laid at the door of knock-off goods and well-meaning DIY projects, but sometimes even officially sanctioned perversions slip through the net.
So, get ready to cover the kids' eyes and prepare to blush, because things are going to get dirty...
This would definitely be confiscated at Hogwarts...
A toy that you stick between your legs that vibrates?! Well, I guess that's one way to keep people interested in the franchise as they get older...
Harry's electrifying Nimbus 2000 spawned thousands of raised eyebrows when it hit stores as well as some of the most subtly hilarious Amazon reviews I have ever read. Such as;
When my 12 year old daughter asked for this for her birthday, I kind of wondered if she was too old for it, but she seems to LOVE it. Her friends love it too! They play for hours in her bedroom with this great toy. They really seem to like the special effects it offers (the sound effects and vibrating). My oldest daughter (17) really likes it too!
Needless to say, this one was eventually discontinued by Mattel. Sorry, but you guys who write those Harry Potter fan fics will have to search far and wide for your Hogwarts hot fix.
I guess there's not much to do in the jungle...
Rad Repeatin' Tarzan got Mattel into some serious hot water, but it's impossible to imagine what else they were expecting when they created this beast.
If anyone has some serious suggestions about what the King of the Jungle might be up to as opposed to chronically masturbating while yelling simultaneously, please do let me know.
On a more serious note, this is probably the most accurate depiction of Tarzan ever created, I mean, he was a man who was raised by monkeys.
You want me to blow where, Wolverine?!
There's nothing wrong with a bop hammer... Until you have to blow it up by placing your lips around the Clawed One's protruding member.
And, nope, this isn't some knock off toy from the streets of Beijing, it's an officially licensed Marvel toy and they ALL look like this.
E.T. Flesh Light?! Oh no wait, let me get my glasses...
I can guarantee that nobody will let you touch them for long enough with this finger to feel its 'healing power' - and if they do, you probably don't want to hang out with them for much longer.
How the Knickerbocker Toy Company didn't look at this long fleshy rod and see anything other that E.T.'s finger is beyond me.
I guess 1982 was a simpler time.
If you thought what Scar did to Simba was evil, I would advise you look away now.
The origins of this catastrophic toy fail have been cleverly buried by whoever produced it, but the internet is pointing it's judgement finger at McDonalds.
Which of these unintentionally perverted kids toys is the biggest fail?