This has spoilers from the upcoming movie launching on 08/15/14
Expendables 3 Review
by Mr. J
First off. This movie is set to launch on 08/15/14. However, god damn those internet folk who can steal dvd screeners. Sadly, this is slowly getting out of control. However, this piracy saved me 30+ dollars (ticket + concession) and for that I thank you. I want to be forthright when I say, I do not condone movie piracy. However, I am one of those crazy folk who gobto the movies religiously. With that said, I sat through this steaming pile of crap. This will a few rants and there will be a podcast later this week so I can get this monkey off of my back. I feel like a soulless demon tried taking my soul. THERE IS SPOILERS! DO NOT READ IF YOU WILL COMPLAIN!
Barney(Stallone), Xmas(Statham), Caesar(Crewes), Gunner(Lundgren) and Toll Road(Couture) are living the Daily life of an "Expendable." Movie opens up with them breaking out an old member named Doc(Wesley Snipes) in true "Expendable" fashion. During this break out they run into another X-"Expendable" named Conrad Stonebank(Gibson) who almost kills Caesar. Overwhelmed with guilt of Caesar's near death, he ends ties with the original members and begins looking for new members with the help of Bonaparte(Grammar) to seek vengeance. Ultimately, that is the furthest I will spoil for you as that is only the first 20 minutes of it. Very 90's action movie cliched and very little creativity. During this movie you find Church(Willis) has been replaced by Max Drummer(Ford). Also Trench(Schwarzenegger), Ying Yang(Jet Li) and Galgo(Banderas) have minor roles. The story was quite sad and there was very little creativity. But the comedic writing is what kept this movie alive for me. From Wesley Snipes admitting to being jailed for Tax Evasion, the constant pun references to 80's/90's action films and Antonio Banderas funny off the wall Puss N' Boots type of behavior. But at the end of the day, the story was not interesting and I found myself increasingly loosing interest throughout the movie.
2/5 Expendable Dog Tags
For being the finale of the trilogy, I expected more. [The Expendables 3](movie:388705) enlisted newer characters which angered me off to no end. I felt that inviting new unknown actors into this movie DEFEATED the purpose of the movie. The Expendable franchise is a running gag and a final HURRAH to the bad action films we have grown up to love. Now you bring in new actors who do not have these ties, it looses that nostalgia that the original films had that made you want go see them originally:
Barney Ross/Sylvester Stallone - Thank you for shaving that mustache thing you had going
Jason Statham/ Christmas - Took a huge backseat in this morning. One of the strongest action stars to date and he gets tossed aside
Dolph Lundgren / Gunner - Lost his funny bone compared to the previous films. Huge miss
Caesar/Terry Crewes - Should not have been shot. Fan favorite and keeps the movie funny
Tollroad/Randy Couture - SHOULD HAVE BEEN SHOT. Has no real purpose.
Trech/Arnold Schwarzenegger - Good to see the terminator still has it! Funny as all hell
Yin Yang/Jet Li - Where were you?
Conrad Stonebanks/Mel Gibson - Excellent choice for a villain. Good to see he can still act when he is not out being controversial
Bonaparte/Kelsey Grammar - Excellent role for Kelsey. Always a fan favorite
Max Drummer/Harrison Ford - Why were you in this film? Willis was a good fit? Ford was not an "action star"
Wesley Snipes/Doc - Meh. Did not need him in this film. Felt like he was there to sub in for Crewes.
Antonio Banderas/Galgo - Blew me away on how funny he was! Good pick!
Rhonda Rousey/Luna - Good to see the UFC made an appearance. And of course in true fashion, she had an armbar in a tactical situation?!
Glen Powell/Thorn - Who are you?
Kellen Lutz/Smilee - Again., Who are you? O you were in twilight... /SMACK
Mars/ Victor Ortiz - Thrice now, who are you?
Point I am making is, when they started casting this movie, did they stop giving a shit? The new cast except for Gibson/Banderas/Grammar were useless and not needed. Sorry, this cast was "Expendable."
2/5 Expendable Dog Tags
Clearly Hollywood is being greedy again. They took a great cheese B rated action film with lots of blood/gore/shock factor and made it a PG13 movie to try to get more movie tickets sold. Hollywood seems to forget, its the gore that made them popular. If you watched Cobra with Stallone without gore it would suck. Imagine Terminator or Running Man without gore? Yup, it would suck. Or even Red Scorpion with Lungren(Yes I went that far back in time) without gore. It would suck. Hollywood, stop being greedy and leave things as they are. If there was gore/shock in this film, it would have been easier to stomach, even with all the misses they have.
2/5 Expendable Dog Tags
I really enjoyed the first 2 films. Why? Because they were cliched, Gorey, cheesy and action packed. They catered to the audience who grew up watching them and it felt like a thank you from the actors to the fans for their support. This film essentially, it a shining example of greed, poor casting and true visual of what rushing a film looks like in the movie industry. I honestly believe that this film was made to make a quick buck so all the action stars have a retirement package and no longer need to act anymore. Maybe its time that Stallone calls it quits. He clearly does not care what his movies end up being once they are made. He made his millions off the Rocky/Rambo franchises. At least Schwarzenegger cares at the end of the day. And that says a lot. I will never watch this movie again. I feel like I watched 30 days of night again. But at least that had gore.
0/5 Expendable Dog Tags
Go see this film if you want. You will laugh at times because of the bad puns and such. I know I am kicking this film really bad. But this should have ended on a very high note. Not a low note. Not even the Friends in Low Places that Garth Brooks talks about (Yes, I made that reference) can help them out. All we can do is be happy there will be no more sequels.
Check out Mr. J's blog: http://mrjblogscanada.tumblr.com/
Check us out on Facebook:www.facebook.com/thedroidsyouarelookingforcanada
Check us out on Twitter:
Listen to our Podcast: