ByMatt Carter, writer at Creators.co
If the zombie apocalypse kicks off you'll find me in the Winchester. @moremattcarter
Matt Carter

This is a recap of The Strain TV show. It would be awesome if you could refrain from talking about book spoilers in the comments below. Cheers!

Last Sunday's episode saw Guillermo del Toro's vampocalypse horror show finally throw off the shackles of the mistimed character development and exposition which had bogged down the first two episodes, instead giving us our first proper encounter with the blood-sucking vamps.

Also, someone's dick fell off.

Here are three things you might have missed from "Gone Smooth".

Vampire Barbie and Ken

Where else to start this recap than with the scene that will probably go down as one of the grossest of the summer: Bolivar and his rotten manhood.

Unsurprisingly, the goth rocker had been feeling under-the-weather since his escape from quarantine at the CDC, losing his hair, appetite and voice before losing something a whole lot more important - Little Bolivar Jnr.

You wanna watch it plop into the toilet in Gifs? Of course you do, you sick puppies!


  And so it begins
And so it begins

  Shake and dry
Shake and dry

  Oh shit, my dick fell off!
Oh shit, my dick fell off!

  Flush that badboy away
Flush that badboy away

  My new contacts are totes awesome
My new contacts are totes awesome

  Call me Ken. Vampire Ken
Call me Ken. Vampire Ken

Del Toro promised that his creations would be far removed from the glittery, emo and heartbroken vamps made popular recently in books and TV. You don't get much more far removed than a sexless, Ken lookalike with extreme alopecia and blood-sucking mouth member.

What's cool about del Toro's reinvention of the vampire is he modeled their digestive system on that of ticks, meaning the vamps eat and crap at the same time. Or, as he puts it:

...as they are drinking your blood, they are shitting plasma and refuse.Organisms that are very efficient can sometimes fuse a single opening. That’s what I wanted to give these vampires. You can’t see it, but his cloaca is beneath.

That's something to look forward to next episode...

One more (penis) thing:

However, what I don't understand is why Eph, Nora and the rest of the doctors over at the CDC didn't notice the same symptoms on the pilot of the plane. Surely, as a trained medical practitioner you'd notice if somebody's nob fell off - or at least I'd hope you would - not to mention the fact they let hundreds of blood worms course through his veins without seeming to do anything to stop them.

Face-Off

Despite the somewhat dubious dialogue and ropey characterization ("you said coffin!" was a low point), what The Strain excels at is astonishing SFX and sound design.

The opening scene of the villainous Eichorst putting on his 'human' face was a thing of macabre beauty.


  White gloves are so in this summer
White gloves are so in this summer

  As are noses, apparently...
As are noses, apparently...

  Gnarly gnashers
Gnarly gnashers

  Voila, the sinister Nazi bad-guy look is complete
Voila, the sinister Nazi bad-guy look is complete

Anyone else think this noseless bastard had something of the Voldermort about him?

Fun Fact: The music playing during Eichorst's transformation was the Choral Fantasy by Beethoven. Another reminder of Eichorst's German (and Nazi) roots.

World War Vamp

"Gone Smooth" featured a couple of potential signs and hints for the events to come.

Zach was idly playing with an inhaler during the hearing, so you can bet there will be a perilous situation with his asthma (and perhaps a lack of medication?) in the future.

Vasiliy is proving himself to be an adept rat catcher with the stomach for a fight. I'm sure these hunting skills are going to come into good use soon...

Now that Nora has witnessed first hand what these vamps can do, I think she's ready to listen to Setrakian and "do what needs to be done".

Loose ends...

  • Considering Bolivar's John Thomas dropped off, do we presume the same thing happened to the angry lawyer bitch and her lady parts? *shudder*
  • Why did Eichorst kill the airline CEO? If the vampire plague is about to begin, what good did it do to stop him from talking?
  • Setrakian reminded me of Kaiser Soze when he gave his frail, old-man performance in court. I half expected him to start walking taller and straighter as soon as he left the courtroom. A bit like this:

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