Every fan knows, you do not leave a Marvel movie until after the credits. Usually, the post-credit scene is a snippet about the next movie coming out - a couple minutes to tease the audience and lead to hours of debate on the internet.
Except with Guardians of the Galaxy. (Warning, minor spoilers about to happen.) Continuing to do everything different, Guardians did not (on the face of it) end with a teaser, but with a scene that fit with the movie itself. We saw the Collector amongst the ruins of his collection, hanging out with none other than Howard the Duck!
WARNING: Some Adult Content Below.
For anyone unaware, Howard the Duck is a Marvel character from the 70s and 80s. He's an anthropomorphic duck trapped on Earth from a parallel dimension, who runs around with sidekick-of-sorts Beverly.
This is a character who could easily have languished in relative obscurity, but now that he has appeared even for a moment, the rumor mills are churning. He actually had a brief moment in Marvel Zombies, and that has been discussed here and there as a phase three project, so is this what the post-credits scene is hinting at?
Or, as some have suggested, is it simply a nod to the creators? Maybe just something to show the breadth of the Collector's collection? Is it the Collector who is the focus, and will we see him appear at another storage facility in an upcoming film? And of course, the major question is: Will Howard the Duck get his own movie?
To be more accurate, will he get another movie? You could be forgiven for not remembering the 1986 live-action adaptation of the comic book, although it has now become a cult classic to some. In the interests of research (for science!) I sat down to watch the original, and frankly if this is anything to go by, I'll need movie theaters to start serving liquor before I can stomach another one.
I'll leave you to watch the entirety of this Howard the Duck origin story (Duck comes to Earth from parallel dimension, makes friends with a pretty girl, battles an evil entity that also came to earth, wins, is now stuck on Earth with the pretty girl.) and just stick with the worst and most disturbing aspects of this monstrosity.
1. This isn't punny any more
Alright, so the comic books make a few puns based on the fact that Howard is a Duck. He lived in New Stork City (geddit?), and he's master of Quack-Fu (GEDDIT?!), but the writers of the movie apparently decided that there is just no such thing as too many puns, and stuck them in every. other. line. Duck this, quack that, feathers here there and everywhere. If Guardians taught us anything, it's that when one of your characters is a walking talking critter, don't make a big deal about it. Throw in a line or two, but don't make it the entire shtick. Because that gets.....reDUCKulous.
2. Bestiality is not cool
The amount of sexual tension between Howard and Beverly left creepy behind after the opening credits. He's a DUCK. She's a HUMAN. Yet there are lots of "almost kiss" moments, and she's inviting him into bed in her underwear. (She's in underwear, not Howard in her underwear. That's a level of creepy that even this movie didn't touch.) Sure, he can talk and read and stuff, but he's still a duck.
3. Speaking of creepy...
This is a movie that just wallows in creep-factor. I feel like the writers all sat down, went through the script, and made sure that there was something truly disturbing every few minutes. Tentacle-mouth-demon-thing is definitely up there for shudders, and (back to the bestiality, thanks) back on Duckworld we are treated to this absolutely-not-disturbing-at-all shot of a duck in a bubble bath.
Please. Please make it stop. For a comedy, this definitely included some moments that will haunt my dreams.
4. Welcome to FX in the 80s...
There's some great, demon-hunting goodness going on in the "plot" (and believe me, I use that word loosely) when a scientist gets taken over by a Hell-demon and slowly turns from mild-mannered lab geek to, well, the lovely image you see above. During this process, we get lots of wonderful examples of the height of 80's movie magic, including this beautiful shot of his electric-lightning-bolt-style...oh, I don't even really know what it's supposed to be.
5. Actually, just welcome to the 80s!
It's not the movie's fault. It was made in the decade that style forgot, and there is really nothing to say about that. Especially when you are laughing too hard to really speak at all. The hair! The clothes! The fact that Howard wears power suits and plays squash! (Kids, ask your parents.)
Also the fact that Beverly is apparently in a hardcore punk/rock band that plays in a dive bar wearing black and chains, but then spends the rest of the movie looking like Robin Sparkles. What the what?
So there are funny moments, but mostly just because they are ridiculous. I can almost understand the "cult classic" standings - if I was a pre-teen watching this, I would probably have loved it and it would just have become funnier with time. If I did a lot of drugs, this would be a great way to spend a Thursday night.
But overall, it is the epitome of bad 80s action-ish movies. The funny isn't actually very funny, the FX are horrifying (and not in the intended way) and the plot is so thin I want to tell it to eat a cheeseburger. Should Marvel attempt to re-introduce the character (which could be great, because it's really not their fault that this was such a travesty), this could read as an instruction manual titled "What Not To Do With Howard The Duck".
And to finish, lets enjoy this shot from the final scene, which is 100% ripped off from Back to the Future.