The release of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles this weekend looks set to bring the pizza-loving, high-kicking, Krang-confounding goofballs to a whole new generation of kids.
Which, for everyone here at Moviepilot, has gotten us all nostalgic for a simpler time. A time when Technodromes were everywhere. A time when having to be the Foot Clan in the playground was the worst thing that could ever happen to you. A time when, for one brief and shining moment, Bebop and Rocksteady were cool.
And that got us thinking - clearly we were all 90's Ninja Turtles kids, but - henchmen opinions aside - how can we know for sure?
Cue, 10 Ways to Tell You Were a 90's Ninja Turtles Kid*
*Now with 100% less Bebop and Rocksteady.
1) This is What Movie Turtles Look Like to You
And no matter what Michael Bay may try to tell you, this is Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles:
2) April O'Neil does NOT Look Like Megan Fox
She either looks like Judith Hoag (pictured) from the original movie, or Paige Turco from the sequels. And if she's animated, she definitely sounds like Renae Jacobs - and wears a yellow jumpsuit.
Similarly, these are the only two ways you can imagine Master Splinter:
And when it comes to TV?
3) This is Pure Joy, in Theme Tune Form
Because they really were the World's Most Fearsome Fighting Team...
Which is why:
4) Your Childhood Bedroom Looked Like This
And in your imagination, this:
Plus, of course...
5) You LOVED the Sequel
Even with Vanilla Ice doing the theme tune...
...and getting to hang around with the Turtles instead of you.
It's alright though, because:
6) You Ate Yourself Sick on This Stuff
And of course, Pizza. Which you were in no way influenced into eating by the legendary (Pizza Hut-sponsored) song Pizza Power:
Or the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Coming Out of Their Shells tour, VHS or soundtrack...
But that's alright, because:
7) You Had All Four Ninja Turtle Action Figures
And if not, you definitely had Splinter or April...
And even if you didn't?
8) You Loved the Other Action Figures Just as Much
Even Monty Moose and Halfcourt...
...and definitely King Lionheart and Muckman...
...as well as (if you were this writer) your Detective Donatello...
9) Getting This Was the Best Day of Your Life
And the main reason you're going to look after your parents in their old age.
Especially if you also had:
Or, if you were the luckiest kid on your block:
And if not, you learnt valuable lessons in sharing from playing with your annoying next door neighbor's one...
All of which was really just preparing you for the fact that:
10) This is the Greatest Kids Movie of All Time
The Karate Kid + Return of the Jedi + Ninja Turtles = the greatest thing that ever happened to you.
It doesn't even matter that it kind of sucks when you re-watch it as an adult - you still love it as much as (and secretly more than) any Kurosawa film.
Plus, the super secret bonus tester - the one that ultimately tells you that you were, in fact, a true 90's Ninja Turtle Kid:
No Matter What Anyone Says...
Real Ninja Turtles are NEVER CGI.
[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles](movie:323027) is out now - and presumably you're reading this in line to see it, right?