ByKit Simpson Browne, writer at Creators.co
Writer-at-large. Bad jokes aplenty. Can be gently prodded on Twitter at @kitsb1
Kit Simpson Browne

The release of Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles this weekend looks set to bring the pizza-loving, high-kicking, Krang-confounding goofballs to a whole new generation of kids.

Which, for everyone here at Moviepilot, has gotten us all nostalgic for a simpler time. A time when Technodromes were everywhere. A time when having to be the Foot Clan in the playground was the worst thing that could ever happen to you. A time when, for one brief and shining moment, Bebop and Rocksteady were cool.


  
  OK, fine, so they were never THAT cool.
OK, fine, so they were never THAT cool.

And that got us thinking - clearly we were all 90's Ninja Turtles kids, but - henchmen opinions aside - how can we know for sure?

Cue, 10 Ways to Tell You Were a 90's Ninja Turtles Kid*

*Now with 100% less Bebop and Rocksteady.

First up?

1) This is What Movie Turtles Look Like to You


  
  Usually viewed through a sugar rush...
Usually viewed through a sugar rush...

And no matter what Michael Bay may try to tell you, this is Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles:

What's more...

2) April O'Neil does NOT Look Like Megan Fox


  
  Not even in fan fiction...
Not even in fan fiction...

She either looks like Judith Hoag (pictured) from the original movie, or Paige Turco from the sequels. And if she's animated, she definitely sounds like Renae Jacobs - and wears a yellow jumpsuit.

Similarly, these are the only two ways you can imagine Master Splinter:


  
  Hairy, or muppet-like.
Hairy, or muppet-like.

And when it comes to TV?

3) This is Pure Joy, in Theme Tune Form

Because they really were the World's Most Fearsome Fighting Team...

Which is why:

4) Your Childhood Bedroom Looked Like This


  
  Though not as tidy...
Though not as tidy...

And in your imagination, this:


  
  via ana-white.com
via ana-white.com

Plus, of course...

5) You LOVED the Sequel

Even with Vanilla Ice doing the theme tune...

...and getting to hang around with the Turtles instead of you.

It's alright though, because:

6) You Ate Yourself Sick on This Stuff


  
  So. Many. Times.
So. Many. Times.

And of course, Pizza. Which you were in no way influenced into eating by the legendary (Pizza Hut-sponsored) song Pizza Power:

Or the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles: Coming Out of Their Shells tour, VHS or soundtrack...

But that's alright, because:

7) You Had All Four Ninja Turtle Action Figures


  
  And immediately lost their weapons...
And immediately lost their weapons...

And if not, you definitely had Splinter or April...

And even if you didn't?

8) You Loved the Other Action Figures Just as Much


  
  Both big in Canada...
Both big in Canada...

Even Monty Moose and Halfcourt...


  
  King him, indeed...
King him, indeed...

...and definitely King Lionheart and Muckman...


  
  The ever elusive Samurai Leonardo...
The ever elusive Samurai Leonardo...

...as well as (if you were this writer) your Detective Donatello...

Plus...

9) Getting This Was the Best Day of Your Life


  
  Because, duh...
Because, duh...

And the main reason you're going to look after your parents in their old age.

Especially if you also had:


  
  Because, "OH MY GOD."
Because, "OH MY GOD."

Or, if you were the luckiest kid on your block:


  
  Because [Hyperventilates]
Because [Hyperventilates]

And if not, you learnt valuable lessons in sharing from playing with your annoying next door neighbor's one...

All of which was really just preparing you for the fact that:

10) This is the Greatest Kids Movie of All Time

The Karate Kid + Return of the Jedi + Ninja Turtles = the greatest thing that ever happened to you.


  
  Or to Feudal Japan...
Or to Feudal Japan...

It doesn't even matter that it kind of sucks when you re-watch it as an adult - you still love it as much as (and secretly more than) any Kurosawa film.

Plus, the super secret bonus tester - the one that ultimately tells you that you were, in fact, a true 90's Ninja Turtle Kid:

No Matter What Anyone Says...

Real Ninja Turtles are NEVER CGI.

[Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles](movie:323027) is out now - and presumably you're reading this in line to see it, right?

Poll

So, how about it? Were you a 90's Ninja Turtle Kid?

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