ByBrannigan Carter, writer at
I...make...movies and watch movies?
Brannigan Carter

If there's one thing I'm tired of hearing, it's "Michael Bay makes terrible movies!".

In actuality, the people saying that just don't like his movies. But more-so...they don't like the genre he created:


What's to be learned about this video? Michael Bay likes explosions. Duh. We all know that. But what's my point? Why do SO many people complain about him and he still is able to make $200 Million dollar blockbusters that make their money back in one week?

Answer: He doesn't care if you like his movies. He just knows you will throw your money at them.

You want to see what he will blow up next. You want to see how he'll do it. You want to see what everyone else is talking about. You want to see the movie that gets advertised on every Coke or Pepsi can out there and gets merchandised across the globe. Because you're curious.

But here's where people are lying to themselves before they even go see a Bay flick....

They expect NOT cheesy dialogue...

  Stop right there...I'm NOT a writer.
Stop right there...I'm NOT a writer.

Bay doesn't care about three dimensional characters. He doesn't care about weighted dialogue. You're paying for a movie about giant shape-shifting alien robots fighting each other with the help of Shia Lebouf and Megan Fox's assets. Who in the Hell needs dialogue? Bring on the 'splodeys.

Here's what I'm getting at: If you want to see a horror movie and you go see SAW 17, that's on you. Will it be good? Probably not. Would you get your money's worth? Who knows. But why did you pay to see a horror movie? Why did you pay to see SAW 17? Because you wanted to see the new traps, gruesome deaths and scary stuff. And I'm willing to bet SAW 17 would have just that-and you got what you paid for. And you played a part in making SAW the top selling horror franchise of all time. Which is why they could make 17 of them. (And before you look, no there's not 17 of them...I'm exaggerating.)

  Basically, every scene is this crap.
Basically, every scene is this crap.

Why would you pay to see a romantic comedy? Because you want to see A-list actors meet each other, fall in love, they both have their issues, it causes a break-up, and they get back together in always hilarious fashion? Well yeah. That's why you go see romantic comedies.

  Not actually a real's a joke. Hahahaha...
Not actually a real's a joke. Hahahaha...

Ok...why pay for a Michael Bay film? BAY-HEM. It's the only reason. You paid to see Bad Boys because you want to see Will Smith and Martin Lawrence argue about shit and then blow it up. You wanted to watch Transformers cuz it sounded fucking awesome. And it WAS. It WAS awesome to see Optimus Prime kicking ass. Was it awesome when Megan Fox tried to act? NO! But that's not what the movie is about!!! It's about Optimus Prime kicking ass!!!

  I'm Optimus Prime and I'm awesome.
I'm Optimus Prime and I'm awesome.

This brings me to why I'm REALLY writing this. The new TMNT movie. I positively HATED that Bay was remaking one of my favorite franchises. I loathed it. I just knew it would be horrid, and defile everything I knew about the 80's heroes in a half shell. He said they would be aliens (WHAT THE FU%@?!?!) and Shredder would be William Fichtner (WHAT THE [email protected]%?!?!?!). I hated it.

But you know what? I still went and saw it (for free, I have to ticket). And you know what? It was the most faithful to the original comics AND animated series that a live action film has done to date. I wasn't a fan of the CGI turtles...but the main reason I liked the film was that Bay knew exactly what fans would want. He always knows what people will want. He knows what his fans and the general public WANTS. And what they will PAY FOR. He's a marketing genius.

You could tell him to his face that you hate him and all he stands for and you'll likely get this:

  Because F*$@ YOU, that's why.
Because F*[email protected] YOU, that's why.

He can release whatever he wants. Hollywood will let him make what he wants. Because when you get down to it, Bay doesn't care if you like the movie. He cares that you bought a ticket. Or ten. Michael Bay created his own genre of films, accidentally, out of the sole concept that whenever he releases a film...the people know there will be a spectacle...and they will pay to see it.

How does he know this?

His collective worldwide box office gross from all his films sits at an estimated 5.7 BILLION dollars. All because he gets to blow sh** up for a living.

Ask yourself? Would YOU give a crap if someone didn't like your movies if YOU made that much?

Now stop complaining...and go watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles, if you haven't already.


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