ByRose Moore, writer at
Writer, cosplayer and all around nerd. @RoseMooreWrites
Rose Moore

Adam McKay and Will Ferrell will be teaming up again, this time for an animated feature. The pair (best known for Anchorman, Step Brothers and The Other Guy) are an incredible comedy duo, and will be taking on a project titled "Henchmen", based on the short film "Henchmen: Ill Suited".

The hilarious short is the story of a bumbling janitor at the Bad Guy Museum (which should really be a thing!) who accidentally accesses a supersuit and causes all kinds of mayhem.

With these two at the helm, there is no doubt that we will see an even more uproarious movie, but with a heartfelt message in there too. Rather than a janitor, the new film will focus on the adventures of Hank, a low-level henchman in the Union of Evil, resigned to his fate. With him is his protege, the movie version of the over-enthusiastic kid from the short. There will be a love interest, a fight to save the world, and a lot of emphasis on friendship. All together now...Awwwwwwwww!

Of course, no henchman movie would be complete without a little bumbling - henchmen are often less-than-skilled when it comes to helping the big bad; after all, if they were good, they wouldn't be henchmen! In honor of the animated evil sidekicks that have come before, here are my top 10 henchmen fails!

Note: These are in no particular order. They are all epic fails!

Kronk (The Emperor's New Groove, Kronk's New Groove)

Ok, if I was going to do an order, this guy might have to be number one. As far as henchmen go, he is just all fail (but an excellent cook). Shall we count them? First, he fails at killing Kuzco. Except he doesn't just fail once, he does so repeatedly at this one thing. He picks up essence of llama instead of poison, then gets so distracted by his dinner plans that he basically forgets about the "poison" altogether, then forgets which cup he put it in, then takes waaay too long to realize that no, Yzma does not want more broccoli, and finally, fails at actually killing the knocked-out Kuzco llama.

The bumbling doesn't even stop there, as Kronk has an attention span that would make your average goldfish look like Rainman, and continually gets distracted by birdwatching, taking over a kitchen, playing jump rope, and generally anything that crosses his path. To top it all off, he ends up saving the Emperor, which is the exact opposite outcome to what Yzma wanted. In fact, he fails so hard at being a bad guy that he gets his own follow up movie as a good guy. Terrible henchman. Awesome character.

Battle Droids (Star Wars: Clone Wars)

Can an army of robots really count as henchmen? I say yes! These guys are mostly cannon-fodder, and you can see why. Compared to your average droid, Kronk is a genius. They are outsmarted in pretty much every episode, and not with any particularly cunning ruses. Frankly, leaving a candy trail into a box trap help up with a twig and a piece of string would probably do it. Moral of the story? Battle droids just aren't that bright (until they explode).

Alpha (UP)

The big bad of the doggie henchmen crew belonging to Charles Muntz, Alpha the doberman is feared by all...well, most of the time. For one thing, his voice-collar keeps malfunctioning, turning the usually imposing deep voice into a chipmunk-esque squeak. Very intimidating. Then, the fantastic Dug manages to trick him into the Cone of Shame in one of my favorite scenes in the movie. He may not be the first henchman to have suffered defeat, but this one is especially brutal, because it means that he completely loses his place as Alpha, which also means that he loses his name. Rough. (Or should I say, ruff?)

Beastman (He-Man: Masters Of The Universe)

Ah, Beastman. The ultimate sidekick for Skeletor, and always on hand to ruin his plans. Every. Single. Time. Beastman even ruined his own plans to try and usurp Skeletor back in the beginning, which is an impressive level of fail. For some reason, Skeletor keeps him around despite him being almost completely useless - mostly as a punching bag when the schemes to defeat He-Man go wrong.

Sir Hiss (Robin Hood)

Sir Hiss is actually a pretty decent henchman to the gullible Prince John in this Disney classic. Usually, he is the one figuring out the evil plans afoot and warning his liege about them, but the Prince simply won't listen. Of course, if he was a little more subtle with his I-told-you-so, he wouldn't suffer quite so much physical abuse. However, Sir Hiss has a moment that is one of my absolute favorite fails, when he is supposed to be out on a mission to help capture Robin Hood, and ends up getting blind drunk instead. True, it may not have been intentional on his part, but that's my kind of henchman!

Ken (Toy Story 3)

This is a classic henchman fail - let the pretty girl distract you while her friends ruin everything for the big bad. This one is even better, because while it may be the pretty girl doing the distracting on the surface, really, it's Ken's vanity and love of looking good himself that actually does it. So it's a pretty guy being distracted by a pretty guy. In the mirror. Good job!

Bebop and Rocksteady (Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles)

More failure due to low IQ, these two humans-turned-mutants are no match for the heroes in a halfshell. Pure mutated muscle for Shredder, Bebop and Rocksteady have a slapstick fail-style, routinely running into each other in their attempts to take down the turtles. As in, literally slamming head first into each other. You'd think that after the first ten or twenty times, they would realize that when they are running directly at a turtle from opposite directions, said turtle would pull themselves up by something so they would crash into each other. But no, this simple trick foiled them throughout the series. Good job, guys.

Pain and Panic (Hercules)

This duo isn't entirely hampered by stupidity, but general clumsiness and an inability to stay calm under pressure. (Shockingly enough, with a guy named Panic!) These two also have an impressive list of failings, starting with their inability to kill a mortal baby. Seriously? You guys are demons. He's a baby. You just had to feed him a bottle and then murder him. Jeez! Further down the line, they have a few more brushes with less-than-perfect henchmen behavior (buying the arch-enemies merchandise is a no-no, aspiring bad-guys!) but actually do reasonably well later on, managing to deal with Pegasus, and then going full evil in their refusal to save their master in the end. Still, he wouldn't have needed saving if they'd just done their job in the first place!

Dr Nefario (Despicable Me)

Poor Dr Nefario. I'm sure he was an excellent henchman once, but his advancing age now leads to so many blunders. His scooter means that he can't speed to the aid of Gru, even if he would be any use once he got there. Even his skill with the gadgets is hampered, as his hearing means that it may take a few tries before the boss gets exactly what he wants. Fart guns anyone? Boogie robots? Actually, I'd take a couple boogie robots, just for fun! And of course, his worst move as a henchman, taking the girls away because he thought they were a distraction. Oh my FEELS!

Banzai, Shenzi and Ed (The Lion King)

Despite the fact that there are three of them, these guys are utterly useless, proving that there is not strength in numbers. The first time we meet this trio, they have the perfect opportunity to kill Simba, which is the overall plan. However, rather than just getting on with it, first they give Zazu an express ticket right back to Mufasa so that he can come and save the day. If it wasn't for that one move, this would have been a very different movie. Then they manage to fail at killing Simba a second time, when he is absolutely alone and definitely in shock from the stampede and the death of his father. Still, three adult hyenas can't succeed at chasing down and murdering a tiny lion cub. Not only that, but they just straight up let him get away, actively choosing not to follow him through some thorns because thorns are ouchy. You had one job, guys. One. Job.

What do you guys think? Are you excited for some henchmen-centric action in the new movie? What are your favorite henchmen fails? Let me know in the comments!


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