I'm just going on a hunch here, but maybe Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie really are super-spies like the characters they portrayed in Mr. & Mrs. Smith. How else can you explain how the world's most famous couple went and got married on the DL this past weekend in Provence's Chateau Miraval and no one knew? I mean, seriously, Brangelina can't even sneeze without paparazzi detailing every moment, so this is some seriously impressive, next level stealth mode right there.
Even though they obviously made a mistake when they forgot to invite me to the wedding, I am still going to give them a wedding gift. Because I'm a good friend (slash delusional fangirl) like that. I thought I'd round up all the best marriage advice from other celebrities who have already traveled down this road before.
Christina Aguilera said the secret to her marriage to Jordan Bratman was being naked. Like...always:
We have something called naked Sundays ... You have to keep marriage alive, spice it up ... We don't need to go anywhere, we're just with each other. We do everything naked. We cook naked.
Advice rating: I'm just saying cooking naked is one ill-timed slip away from a burn on your, uh...nevermind.
Will Smith is convinced a solid marriage to Jada Pinkett-Smith starts in the bedroom:
Really, really good sex. I'm really good at it. (Also) we talk a lot. Sometimes people hear us talking and think we over-talk situations but communication is everything.
Advice rating: Talking is good. Bragging about how good you are in bed is super-lame. Get with it, Mr. Smith.
Joanne Woodward had this to say about her legendary marriage to Paul Newman:
Sexiness wears thin after a while, and beauty fades. But to be married to a man who makes you laugh every day, ah, now that's a real treat.
Advice rating: Joanne and Paul got married in 1958 and stayed in love until his death 50 years later, so any advice she has to give? TAKE IT.
Kevin Bacon knows the way to keep wife Kyra Sedgwick happy is that sometimes, you just have to go big or go home:
I secretly renovated our bathroom and surprised her with a giant bathtub. She really loves it. There was a lot of espionage (and a separate email account) involved.
Advice rating: This is amazing...but maybe safer for couples who have been together a while and know one another's decorative tastes in and out.
Sharon Osbourne has seen. some. shit. in her marriage to Ozzy, and the reason it's survived is they take that whole "in sickness and in health" business seriously:
He slept in a chair by the side of my bed for 18 months. He was scared that if he closed his eyes for a moment, I would be dead when he opened them. He would carry me to the bathroom when I wet myself because of the medication, then shower me and put me back to bed. When my hair was falling out he would pick it out of my food: there was no disgust there, because he loves me unconditionally, just as I do him.
Advice rating: You better make sure when you're tying the knot that you're doing it with a partner you see yourself still loving in all situations, not just the best ones.
Jennifer Garner says her busy life with Ben Affleck is all about the little moments:
You steal the time. Steal a date, steal a kiss, steal a whisper.
Advice rating: With something like 876 kids now, Brad and Angelina might want to tattoo this one on their foreheads.
With such busy lives, Nicole Kidman and Keith Urban know distance does NOT make the heart grow fonder:
We have a thing where we're not separated for more than seven days. It's not a negotiation. It is such a desire to be together. It's a lovely place to be in a relationship where you just desperately want to be together. We'll do whatever it takes.
Advice rating: Distance and time apart only make you grow closer in fairy tales and Hollywood movies. In reality, it usually means you grow apart. Solid advice.
And finally, Rita Wilson said of her long-term marriage to Tom Hanks is that you have to decide every day you want that person - no matter what:
You got to want to be married to the person you're married to. We want to be married to each other. I think that's very, very important [to want to be married]. You got to want to be married to the person you're married to. We still like each other a lot.
Advice rating: Forever is a hell of a long time, and that doesn't happen without work.