ByJancy Richardson, writer at
To avoid fainting, keep repeating 'It's only a movie...It's only a movie...'
Jancy Richardson

I love the Disney Universe...but it'd suck to live there. Check out the reasons why below...

You Can't Enjoy A Decent Burger

Sure, talking animals are totes adorbs, but what if you just want a nice Bacon Sandwich without it talking back to you? There'd be animal rights groups - made up of actual animals - giving you hassle, picketing Steak Houses and Sushi Bars 24/7. Fishsticks? Sorry, Flounder. Lobster Bisque? Not unless you fancy boiling Sebastian alive.


Adult Activities Are Severely Restricted

Disney U is a strictly PG-rated Universe. That means no swears, no sex, no cigarettes (unless you're Cruella DeVil), no shots of Jack at 3AM. You're gonna be living squeaky clean from now on, Buster. I guess there's that bit in Pinocchio where all the kids get drunk...but they only made asses of themselves (geddit?)


Your Wardrobe Is Out of Your Control

You can't just rock up wearing jeans and a hoodie in the Disney universe. A long, flowing Ye Olde Worlde gown is de rigeur, probably with a lace-up bodice and an impossible hairpiece. The guys don't get it much better either - tights, robes, pointy boots and crazy hats are on the menu.


Disaster Is Forever Just Around The Corner

In normal world, pricking your finger on a needle would need nothing more than a Band Aid. In Disney world, you're looking at an Eternal Sleep, which can only be broken with the kiss from some guy you've never met before. Not to mention the possible destruction of your home by evil genies and marauding armies!


If You're Not A Total Babe, You Don't Exist...Or Are Evil

Think about it. The main characters? Always tip-top supermodel hotness. The bad guys? Wizened, the very least, not gifted in the facial department. Sure, Maleficent is glam and evil, and Gaston is handsome and stupid, but if you're not 10/10 hot, the best you can hope for is a comedy sidekick role...



What would you find most suck-y in the Disney Universe!


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