ByCarla D'Alessandro, writer at

This is a controversial article written by admin RAB on the popular I've always wanted to use that spell Harry Potter page. It has been dubbed by fans as "WAY beyond disturbing", but most importantly "an excellent Rita Skeeter mimic".

It has been revealed that Minerva McGonagall, former headmistress of Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry, has been having a long-term affair with auror, joke shop manager, and fifty years her junior, Ronald Weasley. The magnitude of the scandal that has erupted has not been seen since Albus Dumbledore was posthumously outed as a homosexual by his brother Aberforth.

The affair is believed to have started when Weasley was as young as 14, while he was still a student at Hogwarts. Eyebrows were raised when Weasley and McGonagall demonstrated the Yule Ball waltz to the Gryffindor students with a great deal more grinding than was necessary...

The timing of these revelations coincides with the retirement of McGonagall as headmistress of Hogwarts last June. Since then she and Weasley have not been discreet with their rendezvous, being photographed together on a romantic getaway. But McGonagall's retirement has not gone as smoothly as she would have liked. She was just last week brought before the Wizengamot for her inappropriate actions, but was cleared of all charges after giving a stare that, when put up against the stare of Salazar Slytherin's basilisk, would kill the basilisk.

There is no word yet about how Weasley's wife, Hermione Granger, has reacted to these revelations, but a source close to the Weasleys has confirmed that Granger feels much safer with McGonagall on her side than against her. Granger may also be more willing to forgive this indiscretion from her husband, considering her own very public extra-marital affairs with auror Harry Potter and Bulgaria's Quidditch World Cup seeker, Viktor Krum. It appears that this two-thirds of the trio who brought down the most dangerous dark wizard of all time is trying to stay together for the sake of their children. Mr Weasley having any love-children with Professor McGonagall is out of the question, though he may still have to change some nappies...

McGonagall is succeeded as headmistress of Hogwarts by her friend, long-standing Herbology Professor and head of Hufflepuff house, Pomona Sprout, who has since appointed auror Neville Longbottom as her own successor as Professor of Herbology.

Rita Skeeter


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