ByBJ Hall, writer at Creators.co
I write Comedy, Do Stand-up, Travel Through Time, and enjoy the FUCK out of a good movie! Twitter: @InitiallyDirty FB: https://www.facebook.
BJ Hall

Hey Hey cinemaphiles, it's that time of the year again! A time for thrills and chills and a hell of a horror movie night with your friends and family. Well some of you might like to be scarred, and if you are anything like me - the scarier the better. But there are some folks out there who don't really like the horrifying, but enjoy horror all the same. Even some out there that prefer gore to suspense. Well, instead of having them go into another room and watch a Disney movie, here is a list of 6 horror movies that will keep you laughing while also keeping the rest grimly entertained. Like Halloween candy with razor blades, these movies are covered in a layer of sweetness that is laughter with a kick of terrifying close to the center. The only difference is you will want another piece as soon as the tongue heals.

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#6 Phantasm (1979)

This is a classic movie by one of the kings of low budget mind fucks, Don Coscarelli. Who wrote and directed this piece of craziness in 1979, spawning 4 sequels, with number 5 coming out in 2015. Which of course is sure to take this ship of the fantastic in some wildly superb direction that neither you, me, nor even Coscarelli himself never even dreamed. But enough of the facts, lets get into this worm hole of weird.

Step 1: Place Hands Here, Step 2: Poop Pants
Step 1: Place Hands Here, Step 2: Poop Pants

First off, the movie is about a young kid who is being raised by his older brother in a small town. The kids not really a trouble maker, and his brother is the typical 18 year old from the early 80s (besides the iconic 1971 Plymouth Barracuda he drives, and is as much apart of the franchise as Sam Rami's 1973 Oldsmobile Delta 88... but I digress). Apart from there being nothing to do in the town, one of the guys they went to school with has been recently found dead in a cemetery not far from a local bar. They are all real sad about it which is when you get your first glimpse at the local caretaker/funeral manager/Tallest fucker in town. It is also the first time you get to see the local ice cream truck driver, a.k.a. Reggie, who basically is the coolest person in town (see what I did there?). He was also a friend of the recently dead guy, and if it weren't for all the bizarre shit about to go down, it would really just be a movie about getting over the death of a friend with the power of guitar.

But that aint this type o movie...
But that aint this type o movie...

The younger kid is a little weird according to his brother, and while out one night (I am guessing NOT peeping in on his bro getting some cemetery putang) notices the chick his brother is about to bang is about to stick a knife in him and interrupts. This begins a domino effect of irrationality as they delve deeper into the mystery surrounding their friends death and cover up, which leads them to the discovery of the main villain, revealed to be the caretaker/funeral manager/Tallest fucker in Town, which will forever be known as The Tall Man.

Again, he is seriously NOT winking at you....
Again, he is seriously NOT winking at you....

Ya see that there? The little floating metal ball? Yeah, those are the Tall Man's .... Well I am not sure what they are exactly. But for now let's just say they are metal, have a multitude of weaponry attached to them somehow, and also house a tiny brain...oh, and they work for The Tall Man. What do they do? Mostly this....

Worst version of the Tea Bag...EVER!
Worst version of the Tea Bag...EVER!

Not only does he employ these mighty miniature murderous masses of metal minions, he also has his tiny gang of multidimensional jawa's made from the shrunken bodies of the recently deceased.... okay okay... I think you have the picture... just know that story gets berserk and badass. Don't believe me? Well eventually it turns Reggie the Ice Cream Truck guy into this...

4 Barreled Shotgun? Why hell yes 4 barrels!
4 Barreled Shotgun? Why hell yes 4 barrels!

All in all, this movie is one of the borderline funny/scary movies. Which is why its number 6. While being scary-ish, and mindfuckingly so, it is still a hell of a movie to laugh at while eating popcorn. The music, the 5 minute guitar scene, an ice cream truck badass, and a goofy kid fighting a multidimensional mortician who wants to put his balls on you face, with his brother - all of that makes this one hell of a movie to watch this Halloween with anyone from your girlfriend to your best friend. I wouldn't suggest showing it to your mom though, she might get to excited watching Reggie's early 80's pony tail blow in the wind.

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#5 Return of the Living Dead, Part II (1988)

What to say about this movie...what to say! Well, it was written and directed by Ken Wiederhorn. Ummm, well, its a zombie movie that grossed over $9 million dollars....and... well... it's one of the funniest fucking horror wannabe movies ever fuckin' made. I mean WOW at the hilarity entrenched in the cinematic bamboozlement that is RotLD Part Duex.

My reaction to all other RotLD movies.. your's too
My reaction to all other RotLD movies.. your's too

The movie starts out when a kid finds a government barrel while some bullies are chasing him. It opens (of course) and infects one of the bullies with its government concoction, as well as a slimy slow moving zombie. He runs away and tries to tell his parents, siblings, and friends, none of which really give a shit he is even talking to them in the first place. Then, while keeping the boy as the focus of story, we are introduced to these goofball grave robbers, Ed and Joey, along with their girlfriend who you may refer to for the duration of the movie as "The Girl I Hope Gets Eaten Soon"

Her face every scene
Her face every scene

When this movie was being billed, it was shown in the trailer to be horrifying, but the great part is it was really targeted to teenagers, so its full of funny mixed in with the gore that is a regular zombie movie. Part one consisted of almost the exact same story, but this one took it up a notch. I know when most movies make a Part 2 you think it will be a sort of sequel, but just like in Evil Dead 2, this movie seemed like Wiederhorn said, "Ya know that last movie we did where the zombies couldn't be killed? Well I'll bet I can make that shit again, and better!" and someone took him up on it. If that was so, he exceeded his expectations, because this movie is not only full of brain eating zombies, but also full of enough slapstick and one liners to make your holiday a frighteningly funny one. Don't believe me? then check out this clip below...

I don't have to say more......this movie would be great for everyone in the family over 16. Very little nudity and a pretty cool story for anyone to get behind, as well as goofiness even your grandmother might enjoy.

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#4 Howling 2: Your Sister is a Werewolf (1985)

First, a little personal back story on this film. There was an old video rental store close to my grand parent's house when I was around 9 years old. I was a horror movie fiend and when I got this movie I imagined it being scary, but what I got was sooooo very much more. To put it simply: This movie is like main-lining cocaine while watching "The Devil Rides Out" all while having an acid trip about werewolves in a Peter Cushing movie. A combination of 80's soundtrack and creative film-making by Philippe Mora turns this rendition of werewolves into a hybrid of 80's new wave along with a classic werewolf hunter tale. While not really for those anywhere close to the age of 9 (I was poorly supervised), this movie implores a pretty catchy tune written specifically for this movie aptly named "Howling," written by Stephen Parsons and performed by a band (of which I have never heard of again) Babel. Oh, an I should mention just one more thing: This movie stars none other than Christopher "I sing Metal Music At 90 and used to Kill for the Queen" Lee being...well... a badass, as per usual!

Christopher Lee represents the 80's
Christopher Lee represents the 80's

Wait wait.... no... stop... too soon, too soooooon I say!

Now representing every character he has ever played
Now representing every character he has ever played

There we go! Now, the story starts off simply enough. A guy's sister is, you guessed it, a werewolf. But the only person to believe this is a long time werewolf hunter Stefan Crosscoe (Christopher Lee) and his girlfriend Jenny. Jenny believes it because she was there when her sister-in-law transformed for the first time at an on air taping for the local news and was gunned down (w/o silver). Christopher Lee believes it because... well, he is Christopher Lee. The brother though just simply won't believe it no matter how much Christopher Lee tries to convince him otherwise (He literally has a video tape showing her transform and the guy is like "Nuh uhh, my sisters not a werewolf"). So Chris is all "Fuck it then, imma go kill the bitch once and for all. I don't have time for you crazy folks." As he should, because the fucker is surrounded by evidence of werewolves, and when someone soaked in as much gravitas as Christopher Lee tells you your sister is a werewolf... well, you believe the fuck out of him!

Christopher Lee HATE FACE!
Christopher Lee HATE FACE!

So, as it goes Ben finds out his sister is indeed a werewolf, but not only that. Christopher Lee discovers there is another dark force at work. This dark force is located in Transylvania, and Lee is determined to stop it. It's an ancient evil, the mother of werewolves Stirba, who is played by the very voluptuous and virile Sybil Danning.

Yeah.... I know, I know...its 1985
Yeah.... I know, I know...its 1985

Now this is where things get both freaky and sexual on an animalistic level. Apart from some really great scenes with Chris Lee fighting, I must warn that there are some pretty hardcore werewolf sex scenes. I honestly have no idea what prompted Philippe Mora to put so many in there, but at the very least there is everything from three-some's to straight-up orgies in this film. Tasteful I guess, but from age 9 till 12 I don't think I ever got Sybil's giant breasts out of my head...

The exact moment I hit puberty....
The exact moment I hit puberty....

Apart from all that flack this film is awesome. It's Christopher Lee vs. a Werewolf Witch and it will keep you hungry for what happens next. Oh, and it had a badass song like I said, and just like a werewolf STD at an orgy: its catchy!

I do advise you only watch this with close friends, I doubt the fam would be down for a werewolf orgy, but hey who am I to talk about your family? Am-I-Right?!

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#3 Nightmare on Elm Street VI: Freddy's Dead

Come on folks, how often do you get to laugh at a child murderer, be honest? I myself can only remember one instance and that instance made Freddy Kruger the single best horror icon I can remember from my childhood. Now I know some of you, even Robert England himself, consider this movie to be the weakest of the horror movie franchise. BUT I SAY NAY!!!! This movie is to me what Freddy Kruger was meant to be: A playful psychotic demon of dreams. Almost like a Loki type, if you added actual blood and gore to the shit Loki talks in the Marvel Movies. He's a trickster and feeds on people's fear. Not only does the fear make him strong, he is intangible...well he was, up until he decided to make Elm Street go global (see the movie for details). This shows the story of Freddy's origins and not only that, we learn of his child (which is never mentioned again in any other movie). Guys and ghouls, this movie will display all the gore we have come to expect from a Freddy film. The movie also creates a razor sharp wit only matched by the knives sticking out of the iconic gloved hand.

But I keep. On. Coming. Baaaaaack!
But I keep. On. Coming. Baaaaaack!

The story follows a tormented teenager who is the last of the Springwood children. He is kicked out of town by Freddy right at the beginning of the movie (in a very hilarious way, I might add).

Who writes this stuff, Hanna Barbera??!
Who writes this stuff, Hanna Barbera??!

Then, he hits his head on a rock and blacks out. He wakes up with no memory and wonders around until he is taken to a youth center. A couple of other kids there come from troubled homes, and one comes from a rich family that prefers smoking weed and playing video games to wearing suits. It just so happens that the head counselor at the youth center is a dream specialist. He is currently trying to help one of the caseworkers out with a reoccurring dream she keeps having. It turns out this kid, apart from not wanting to go to sleep and not knowing why, is having a dream with the same character. This freaks her out and she takes the kid toward Springwood to help him retrace his past, but on there way, they discover the other kids from the shelter were hiding out in the van they were driving. They get into Springwood... and that is where shit gets wild... I mean fu.kin.WILD! How wild? This wild....

Cocaine: Freddy's nemesis!!
Cocaine: Freddy's nemesis!!

Okay, I wont get you hopes up HAHA they aren't in the movie for very long. But let's get this perfectly clear, shit does get wild. The caseworker and kid discover Freddy had a child at one point that was given up for adoption after Freddy was murdered by the town. While the other misfits wander around town until they decided (since Freddy somehow has Twilight Zone'd the towns entry and exit points) they decide to bed down at an abandoned house near by to get some sleep. The house is of course Freddy's old house, not that they would have known considering they aren't from there, but either way the place was disguised. Once inside they all have their first run-ins with Freddy, and they are some funny-ass run-ins. My favorite is the video game kid. He falls to sleep getting stoned in front of a TV and becomes a part of a video game world Freddy constructs. He does this while sleep walking, and Freddy gets a kick out of it. But see, this kid knows some things about video games and he looks like he might make it... up until Freddy put on... HAHAHA... the fucking POWER GLOOOOVE!!!

Oh yeah, this is a thing kiddies!!
Oh yeah, this is a thing kiddies!!

This movie is for any fan of the crispy critter that is Freddy Kruger. For me though it's the best showing of all the stuff that makes Freddy not only terrifying but hilarious. Don't even get me started when later on in the movie it's explained he is a demon given powers by ancient Greek dream snakes... but I will tell ya, it's damn entertaining every single time I see it!!

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#2 Waxwork (1988)

Oh now we are having fun folks, because with this movie you get nothing but fun... in a horrific sort of way. I grew up watching this movie again and again just for the badassness of the story itself. Anthony Hickox wrote and directed this horror movie gem of the 80's and it pulls no punches. To give you an idea, this is what the description reads on IMDB.

"A wax museum owner uses his horror exhibits to unleash evil on the world."

That's it, no more and no less.... but in truth, there is waaaaay more. The characters aren't all that rich in substance, but the story is just so damn juicy it will have you wishing for a remake. It takes all of the classic horror movie monsters (well not all, most are implied) and gives them an homage worthy of any museum. But in the case of this movie, the museum is made of Wax and is run by the duke of dapper himself, David Warner, or as he is known in the movie, "Waxwork Man."

How could you refuse that smoking jacket?!
How could you refuse that smoking jacket?!

The story centers around a Waxwork that has recently come under new ownership and the group of 6 rich kids who attend a "late night showing" of the new improvements to the museum. Once inside, each teenager who steps over the velvet ropes gets a one way ticket to scareville as each waxwork scene comes to life in a horrifying, Narnia sort of way; one which stars none other than the professor himself, John Rhys-Davies, as the Wolf Man!

We have to find out slide home!!!
We have to find out slide home!!!

I'm telling ya folks, this movie gets even weirder once you discover the truth behind how and why the Waxwork Man is able to bring these legends to life, and it just gets awesomer and awesomer as it goes along. The main character, Mark, played by Zach Galligan, and his lady friend go on a quest to end the Waxwork Man's evil campaign with the help of Mark's uncle Sir Wilfred, played enthusiastically by Patrick Macnee. It's a battle of good and evil and one you will love to be a part of, whether you are a kid or an adult fan of horror. Oh, and if ya feel frisky, try out the second one which takes on movie monsters as well as classics. Trust me, it gets even more badass after you follow Alice behind the looking glass!

I have no idea why they chose this cover either....
I have no idea why they chose this cover either....

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#1 Ash vs. The Army of Darkness (1992)

When you are a kid and watching films like "Waxwork" and "The Howling" for fun, there is nothing you love more than a good hero. I always loved Van Helsing myself, but that was up until I flipped through the many stolen VHS tapes piled in my grandparents house. I say stolen because my dad wasn't really into paying late fees, but their weren't computers so no one ever remembered him. I could say more, but the truth is it helped me find one of the greatest horror movie heroes of all time: Ashley Williams. So when I popped in a VHS tape with the title of "Ash vs. The Army of Darkness" thinking I was gonna be super scared, I was delighted to find out that an "every man" thrown into impossible situations dealing with demons and evil spirits was hilarious. At the same time though, if you replace one of his hands with a chainsaw you can make one of the most iconic cult heroes ever conceived. So, thank you Sam Raimi, because in 1992 you created not only a badass hero soaked in awesome and gasoline. You also created the uberNerd of horror movies and film that is me....

...and this ridiculously awesome car!!
...and this ridiculously awesome car!!

For those of you unfamiliar with the Evil Dead franchise, or for those you who may have only seen the 2013 remake, I am sorry ahead of time, because now you have some homework to do on the awesomeness that is the Evil Dead! But fret not you interested party you, because I am about to break it the fuck down:
(Spoiler Alert for those who do not like vague outlines)

The Evil Dead:
- Ash goes with his friends to a cabin in the woods
- Ash's friends discover the Nerconomicon left behind by a dead professor
- Horrifying Hilarity ensues + a little tree rape (Dont ask, it was the 80's)
- All of Ash's friends die (a.k.a. Gore, blood, gore gore, blood)
- Ash destroys the book
- End

Evil Dead 2:
- Ash goes to the same cabin in the woods with his girlfriend
- Ash discovers a recording of the translation of the Necronomicon and plays it
- His girlfriend dies
- Horrifying Hilarity ensues + Ash goes a little insane
- Ash loses a hand to the evil forces
- The kids of the dead professor show up with 2 hillbillies who helped them get there, then see Ash covered in blood and think he's a killer
- They soon discover otherwise
- Horrifying Hilarity ensues + Tree murder of Hillbilly lady
- Hillbilly guy goes a little crazy
- Ash gets possessed by Evil forces
- The professors kid accidentally kills Hillbilly dude
- Ash breaks the evil force with sheer will power
- Professors kid figures out a way to stop the Evil with pages located in the basement
- Ash straps a chainsaw to his hand, double barrel to his back, and goes to get the pages
- Ash fights the professor kid's demon mom
- They start the ritual
- Evil appears in flash form, Professor kid gets stabbed and doesn't get to complete the ritual opening up a portal to an unknown place
- Ash gets sucked into the hole and goes back in time

Ash vs. The Army of Darkness:
- Ash gets pissed and saves the day because no one else can, and all he wants to do is get back home w/o Tree Rape.

Keep those branches the fuck away from me!
Keep those branches the fuck away from me!

Of course there are a lot more to those movies; I just sort of cliff-noted it, because when you see AoD it's nice to know with at least a little context where you are within Ash's timeline once the movie begins. He is a character who is fed up and filled with rage because ever since the first movie he has yet to get laid. That's probably not a completely true statement. He may not be totally motivated by lack of sexy times, but you be the judge once you see him kill the first couple of Deadites at the beginning of the movie. Imagine for a second you went though all that, then ended up falling into a place where you are taken prisoner immediately. Its enough to make anyone go a little bit nutty.

I HATE BOOOOKS!!!!
I HATE BOOOOKS!!!!

The truth is cinemaphiles, you could watch this movie with anyone from your 10 year old to your grandmother and it would still be a great time. Gorey fun is in store for those of you who wish to make this your top pick for your Halloween movie list. I am talking a time traveling Gulliver's travels...if Gulliver had a chainsaw on one hand, a double barrel on his back, and a knack for one liners and saving the day from the evil that is the Deadites!

As a warning though, if you decide to go down the road of Evil Dead 1 or 2... I would do that alone or with close friends. Because, if ya forget about the tree rape, pop in the movie, and sit back on a fist date.... prepare for a VERY awkward drive home. (Speaking from experience).

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THANKS FOR READING!!!!!!!!! HOPE YOU ENJOYED IT!!!!!!!!

Poll

Which was your favorite from the list?!

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