As Halloween quickly approaches, it’s inevitable that our favorite band of intergalactic misfits, [Guardians of the Galaxy](movie:424073) will be everywhere. I’m predicting a bevy of Star Lords, some sexy Gamoras, and even your odd neighborhood Drax. These can all be done relatively easily since these characters all stick to a pretty attainable human shape.
Plastic hair may be a little cheesy, but it gets the point across without any Chris Pratt-level bulking required.
Gamoras are going to be kicking ass everywhere come October 31st. Let’s hope most of them take the time to actually paint their faces (and bring along a Nebula).
Looking a little bit like Uncle Fester, but humorously literal comments should round out this costume nicely.
For those who want to be everyone’s preferred Flora colossus—and there will be many—the options become much more unintentionally horrifying. This is to be expected out of a character who was entirely CGI. But I didn’t anticipate the options being quite this bad.
Let’s start with the mask:
Admittedly not the worst looking Groot in the galaxy, but you know that most guys will buy the mask and pay no more attention to the costume. For those who choose to just wear brown, you’re left looking like a UPS delivery man in a mask. Terrifying.
What about a children’s costume? A Groot sapling can’t be that scary, right?
WRONG! This is pure nightmare fuel.
Pure horror. This face belongs in an episode of American Horror Story, not at my doorstep yelling “Trick or treat!”
It doesn’t get much better for those willing to shell out $400 (!) on a Groot costume. Though they may shell out the cash for an upgraded model, they will still manage to inspire fear-induced whimpering.
What happened to the lumbering, lovable gentle giant (gi-ent?) that we know and love? This looks like a pile of shoeboxes ready to scare away all neighborhood children and potential suitors.
For those of you still insisting on being Groot this year, I encourage you to check out this tutorial and make your own. Or better yet, figure out a way to be a dancing baby Groot.
There is not a person alive who won’t thank you. And I will be able to sleep at night.