ByMicah James Nebeker, writer at
Micah James Nebeker

Even though the whole love triangle thing in the Hobbit movies makes me upset, I have an insane theory on who their kid would be! You ready for greatness? Ready to never watch Hobbit 3 the same way again? Good! Here we go!

So, it all started when I was having a lovely conversation with a friend of mine.

Her: "What would a dwarf/elf baby look like?"

Me: "Well, It'd be pretty short, but not as short as a dwarf. I would guess it would be hairy cause dwarves are really hairy. It would have enhanced senses like an elf, such as hearing, sight, and smell. This guy would be really tough. He'd have some healing properties from being half elf. He would also be immortal, and with dwarf's headstrongness and elf's stubbornness he'd be really mean."

Her: "So, Wolverine?"

James son of Kili
James son of Kili

Me: *GASP* (I literally fell backwards)

I had perfectly described Wolverine without even realizing it!!!! So, I formulated a theory.

This is where Saruman comes in. I know what you're thinking. "What?!? How would Saruman fit into this?" Here's how. Saruman, as we all know, is a master of mutation.

Mutating elves into Uruk-Hai
Mutating elves into Uruk-Hai

When Saruman heard about this baby, he said to himself,"Hmm, I could do some cool things with that baby since it has the gifts of both elves and dwarves." So he did. He mutated it, amplifying the thing he called the "healing factor" and turned him into a living weapon by giving him claws.

Saruman intended to have this monster grow up and then he'd use him, but unfortunately for him, Isengard was destroyed by ents. ( *gasp* is Groot an Ent?!?!)

You might ask,"How was Wolverine in Middle-earth and later on in the present world?" No, not time travel. He's immortal!!! It took him, like, a few hundred years to go from being a full grown man to having a few gray hairs! In that case, how long was this dude a baby? I mean, he could've been a baby for three hundred years before he took his first step.

So basically, he just lived until he was in the present and just didn't ever remember Middle-earth. Do you remember everything from your baby days? Especially since he already suffers from memory loss from when Weapon X tried turning him into a weapon. Man! he's had people trying to make a weapon out of him since he was a baby!!!

Speaking of Weapon X. They laced his skeleton with adamantium, an indestructible metal. Back in Middle-earth times, they had a different name for it. Ready for this?

A perfect outfit for battling cave trolls.
A perfect outfit for battling cave trolls.

Mithril!!! Just another fun "fact."

But really, Groot is some mutated Ent.

I. Am. Ent.
I. Am. Ent.

He looks just like one.

Right?!? Another theory for another time.

Well, that's my insane Hobbit 3 theory. How'd you like it? Was it good? Was it stupid? Could the MARVEL universe and Middle-earth universe be connected? Let me know.


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