In a news story that would have J Jonah Jameson reeling with cynical joy, a thief donned the mask of Spider-Man and robbed a convenience store on Monday.
Police in Auburn, Maine say that that the perpetrator entered the convenience store (coincidentally called Big Apple) and flashed a knife at the checkout clerk before demanding cash from the register.
The perp reportedly stands at about 5'3", and was apparently too lazy to go all-out with a full costume, only donning the web-slinging superhero's mask. One of the store's customers attempted to chase after the thief, but Bizarro Spidey decked the would-be hero before they could get very far.
Making off with an undisclosed amount of cash, the low-life superhero impersonator fled into the nearby Bonney Park, and remains on the run. He was last seen crossing the foot bridge into Lewiston.
Sadly, this isn't the first superhero impostor to make headlines for a crime...
Mr. Incredible Hit Batgirl
The most recent of these stories involves a brawl between an unlikely pair of heroes last week, where Mr. Incredible beat Batgirl to the ground over turf rights and was stopped by none other than Chewbacca the Wookie.
Along with some of the other characters that spot along Hollywood Boulevard, the Wookie forced Scumbag Incredible away from Batgirl after a brawl that ended in him knocking her to the ground. As someone who's had personal experience being hassled and hit on in really inappropriate ways by this particular jerk here in LA, I hope this incident keeps him off the boulevard forever!
Batman V Superman: DUI of Justice
Turn back the clock to August 15th, 2006 when two superheroes seemingly enjoyed such a great truce that they drank to their friendship... and drank, and drank, and drank.
On their way home from a costume party, the two men in their early twenties were arrested after failing a routine breathalyzer check. For shame, superheroes! Never drink and drive!
Florida Man dresses as Iron Man and Robs a Bank
"Florida Man" almost always indicates a really embarrassing headline (seriously, google it), and this one is no different: A man dressed in sweats and an Iron Man mask robbed a West Palm Beach bank back in 2013 at gunpoint. This particular event stands out among others, because it occurred on the same day that Robert Downey Jr. signed on for two more "Avengers" films in an event that many said "broke Marvel's bank". No one was injured.
The lesson here, folks, is that crime doesn't pay, and dressing as a superhero won't exclude you from that saying one bit. Imagine what Spidey would think if he saw these!