Sony is reportedly running out of ideas when it comes to Spider-Man. There's a rumor going around that Sony is making a prequel/spin-off of their Spider-Man film series that will circulate around a young Aunt May and her "adventures" before her little Petey became Spider-Man. Sony has reportedly denied the rumors, but come on—Sony would totally do this.
Now we all love Aunt May, when Uncle Ben died she became the most central loving character with wise advice in Peter's life. But really, REALLY SONY?! An Aunt May film! No one wants to see that! It would just make no sense! Besides, there are so many other people in the Spidey-Verse who deserve their own movie! Like, for instance:
Who better to have their very own movie then the apple of Peter's eye? A Mary-Jane movie would most likely center around the titular character and her life as she goes through the incredibly tough and exhausting change from a hormone crazed teenage adolescent to a hormone crazed young adult! She would have to battle tough enemies like: Zits! Teenage boys! and the dreaded mid-terms! It would be an epic Drama/Romance/Comedy!
A Mary-Jane movie would of course also have to showcase all of her amazing abilities like: Fan-girling over boy bands! Not even-ing! Extremely fast fingers for liking every picture she passes on her phone! And texting and talking to someone else—AT THE SAME TIME!
The Spectacular Spider-Ham! Peter Porker was just a regular house spider, living in the basement of animal scientist May Porker, who was in the process of inventing the world's first "atomic powered hairdryer". Because regular hairdryers won't make your hair fab enough! After a test experiment on herself, May irradiated herself and bit Peter. In a super weird turn of events, Peter transformed into a anthropomorphic ham while keeping the abilities he had as a spider! He became Spider-Ham! Protecting the citizens of NYC with his mastery of the pork chop! (Okay he didn't really have a move called the pork chop)
A Spider-Ham movie would be hilarious and action packed! Just think of all the adventures and sitautions you could put him in! Like:
Spider-Ham versus the butcher!
Spider-Ham escapes the farmer's market!
Or Spider-Ham and the star-children (a team of super powered hippies who fight for truth, justice and love man that I may or may not have just made up) versus the disgusting meat eaters from planet carnivore!
You could even have a dramatic turn, where Spider-Ham must come to terms that people are never going to stop eating bacon—it's just too good man.
Why should Aunt May get a movie, she's clearly not even the coolest elderly person in Peter's life. Though Uncle Ben isn't in Peters life anymore, we could always have a prequel.
Just think of the adventures young Uncle Ben must have had. Going down to the nickel store with his friends, hitting on Sally from next door (Uncle Ben was a ladies man!) and spending countless hours banging the top of the television set so he could go back to watching his shows! No doubt there will be a musical number where he goes to the sock-hop with Sally and dances the -insert old dancing move here-! Followed by a dramatic turn of events when he realizes he's been drafted in to WWI (I may be overestimating just how old Uncle Ben is..)
That one guy who always says "Hey, look it's Spider-Man"!
Now technically the actors (or comic book characters) change, but it most definitely the same person yelling to everyone the obvious realization that Spider-Man has entered the premises. Just listen to the tenacity in his voice! The volumes he speaks! THE SOUND OF WONDER MIXED A BIT OF INTIMIDATION IN HIS VOCAL CORDS! Perhaps he is some face changer, a magician of sorts.
Who knows? Well I want to! I want to know everything about this man! His name, his occupation, his life! Does he have a wife? kids? Are they happy? Are htey struggling? Is he trying to find a good paying job to support his wife and kids?! All the while using his magical face changing abilities to make a little money on the side in order to make ends meet?! Is his wife leaving him because rather than using his powers to—I don't know—go to Braavos and join the Faceless Men (Valar Morghulis!), he spends most of his time using them to be "Captain Obvious" and feel the need to alert absolutely everyone of a tights wearing hormonal teenager with spider powers swinging above their heads in broad daylight?!
I need to know Sony!
Well those are the four people I think should have their own film. Who do you want Sony to make a film of?