ByJancy Richardson, writer at Creators.co
To avoid fainting, keep repeating 'It's only a movie...It's only a movie...'
Jancy Richardson

Throughout any period of ancient history, you really, really didn't want to get sick. We've seen mad Doctors like Dr. Frankenstein and The Human Centipede's Dr. Heiter, but the real doctors of the past used such horrifying practices, most horror movies don't even come close...

Check out 6 of the most horrifying and baffling medical procedures from ancient times...

Cannibal Corpse

Corpse Medicine: eating ground up bits of dead people

Purpose: just about anything: doctors prescribed pills made of ground human flesh, bone and blood for anything from stomach ulcers to epilepsy.

Did it work? Nope, but it did start an odd trend - sick, poor people would attend public executions to grab a mug of fresh dead person blood.

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Know Thine Enema

Uh... actually, I feel fine, now I think of it...
Uh... actually, I feel fine, now I think of it...

Clysters: metal devices inserted into the butthole to deliver a mega-powered enema

Purpose: to clear blockages

Did it work? Enemas can be useful, but the gentle introduction of warm water into the anus is more popular in modern times. In the past, a mixture of Boar's bile was used. French King Louis XIV was so keen on enemas he allegedly had over 2,000 while he was on the throne (let's hope he wiped it down afterwards).

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It's Electrifying!

Electro-cock therapy: electric belts designed to electrocute the male genitalia

Purpose: to cure impotence

Did it work? Definitely not. Sending 250 volts through your balls is not recommended.

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Strike While the Iron is Hot

Hold still, there's a good chap...
Hold still, there's a good chap...

St Fiacre's cure: a hot iron or sharp rock jammed into the rectum

Purpose: to cure hemorrhoids

Did it work? Well, it's a more brutal version of the simple surgical snip made to remove stubborn hemorrhoids in modern times, but it's unlikely these methods ever helped more than they hurt patients. It's nice to know that there's an actual saint - St. Fiacre - whose sole purpose is 'protector against hemorrhoids,' though. Let that comfort you as the hot iron is nudging your sphincter.

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Womb Raider

Get off me, you bloody idiots, I'm trying to sleep!
Get off me, you bloody idiots, I'm trying to sleep!

Uterine problems: rubbing smelly potions on the inner thighs

Purpose: to keep a woman's womb stationary inside her body

Did it work? Uh, NO. Ancient Greeks believed that a woman's uterus had a mind of its own, and would start angrily roaming around her body in protest if she didn't get pregnant on the regular. They'd put stinky things like sulfur between the thighs, hoping the bad traveling womb would retreat from the smell, back to its rightful place.

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Don't you miss me like a hole in the head?

Just look how happy these trepanning patients were!
Just look how happy these trepanning patients were!

Trepanation: Drilling a hole into the skull

Purpose: to alleviate pressure on the brain.

Did it work? There are occasionally genuine medical reasons for letting off pressure within body parts by making a small hole. The problem with the old techniques was that poor sanitation and hefty tools tended to make an awful hash of the job.

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Poll

If you had to undergo any of these horrifying ancient medical procedures, which would you choose?

Sources: Biblical Archaeology, Cracked, Listverse, History

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