In an interview that was probably the best ever advertisement for school by two teenagers bitching about the education system, Jaden and Willow Smith proved that they are actually mad.
Jaden clearly has a constantly furrowed brow because of the deep thoughts that are pressing their lofty weight on it during every waking hour. This 16-year-old is all about prana energy and the abstract concept of time, man.
As for 14-year-old Willow, she is more into thinking about how her deeply spiritual anthems such as 'Whip My Hair' are part of a "higher consciousness made". Because, why not?
I've plowed through the most cluelessly pretentious interview ever so you don't have to, so gather round and let's enjoy the children of Xenu's maddest moments.
When asked about how they experience time, Willow appeared to reveal that she is the new owner of Bernard's watch. Who knew!
WILLOW: I mean, time for me, I can make it go slow or fast, however I please, and that's how I know it doesn't exist.
JADEN: It's proven that how time moves for you depends on where you are in the universe. It's relative to beings and other places. But on the level of being here on earth, if you are aware in a moment, one second can last a year. And if you are unaware, your whole childhood, your whole life can pass by in six seconds. But it's also such a thing that you can get lost in.
WILLOW: Because living.
JADEN: Right, because you have to live. There's a theoretical physicist inside all of our minds, and you can talk and talk, but it's living.
WILLOW: It's the action of it.
A Right Song and Dance
If you've ever wondered what the mini-Smiths's music is about, here is the nice, normal concise answer that you've been looking for!
JADEN: The P.C.H. being one of them; the melancholiness of the ocean; the melancholiness of everything else.
WILLOW: And the feeling of being like, this is a fragment of a holographic reality that a higher consciousness made.
Every Book Ever Written Sucks... Except the One I Wrote, Obv!
JADEN: Honestly, we’re just trying to make music that we think is cool. We don’t think a lot of the music out there is that cool. So we make our own music. We don’t have any song that we like to listen to on the P.C.H. by any other artist, you know?
WILLOW: That’s what I do with novels. There’re no novels that I like to read so I write my own novels, and then I read them again, and it’s the best thing.
Breathing and prana energy are what all the cool kids are talking about these days.
WILLOW: Breathing is meditation; life is a meditation. You have to breathe in order to live, so breathing is how you get in touch with the sacred space of your heart.
JADEN: When babies are born, their soft spots bump: It has, like, a heartbeat in it. That’s because energy is coming through their body, up and down.
WILLOW: Prana energy.
JADEN: It’s prana energy because they still breathe through their stomach. They remember. Babies remember.
WILLOW: When they’re in the stomach, they’re so aware, putting all their bones together, putting all their ligaments together. But they’re shocked by this harsh world.
JADEN: By the chemicals and things, and then slowly…
WILLOW: As they grow up, they start losing.
JADEN: You know, they become just like us.
Stay in School, Kids.
Why go to shitty old school when being home 'educated' could make you as rational and down to earth as these two?!
JADEN: Here’s the deal: School is not authentic because it ends. It’s not true, it’s not real. Our learning will never end. The school that we go to every single morning, we will continue to go to.
WILLOW: Forever, ‘til the day that we’re in our bed.
JADEN: Kids who go to normal school are so teenagery, so angsty.
WILLOW: They never want to do anything, they’re so tired.
JADEN: You never learn anything in school. Think about how many car accidents happen every day. Driver’s ed? What’s up? I still haven’t been to driver’s ed because if everybody I know has been in an accident, I can’t see how driver’s ed is really helping them out.
WILLOW: I went to school for one year. It was the best experience but the worst experience. The best experience because I was, like, “Oh, now I know why kids are so depressed.” But it was the worst experience because I was depressed.
I urge you to read the whole New York Times interview HERE because every single word is condensed WTF in it's purest form.