ByJancy Richardson, writer at
To avoid fainting, keep repeating 'It's only a movie...It's only a movie...'
Jancy Richardson

Doctors in Ye Olden Days tried their hardest for their patients but, as I discovered from Horrifying Medical Procedures of the past, the methods and implements they used would not look out of place in a serial killer's basement.

Check out 9 of the most wince-inducing old medical instruments that were used to cut, slice and poke at the most sensitive wobbly bits of humanity...

Nope, it's not a bottle-opener

The Tonsil Guillotine is pretty up-front about its purpose: a tiny little guillotine for chopping off infected tonsils. It had the unfortunate tendency to cause massive blood loss and removal of the wrong bits, but was only abandoned in the early 20th Century.


Nope, it's not ancient tupperware

So, you're a 17th century doctor and you've run out of leeches. Never fear - just get out your Scarificator! The device was pressed to flesh, releasing tiny blades to swiftly cut into the skin. Obviously, the skill was in not pushing too hard...


Nope, it's not an early Dr Who costume

This portable respirator is one of the few items on this list that actually served a valid purpose - it was usually used to help polio patients breath. There's something undeniably sinister about it, though...


Nope, it's not a decorative plant-waterer

This is basically a bronze jockstrap, designed to trap the male genitalia should it become excited... it's one of many patented anti-masturbation devices.


Nope, it's not a bear trap

This is a rather more painful variation on the above anti-jerk-off device, the spikes scratching the engorged male member of the unfortunate wearer. OUCH.


Nope, it's not an egg-beater

As a general rule, do not put giant metal things into orifices unless it is absolutely necessary. This Vaginal Washer is not absolutely necessary, especially as those strips violently spin for an effective - and probably rather painful - clean.


Nope, it's not an ornate writing set

I don't know what it was about enemas that 18th century peeps liked so much, but the Tobacco Smoke Enema was totally a thing. Bellows blasted gusts of cigarette-like fumes up the butthole, supposedly to increase respiration! However, the dubious nature of its effectiveness actually coined the term 'blow smoke up one's ass'!


Nope, They're Not Kitchen Tongs

These delightfully named hemorrhoid forceps would be used to nip the problem in the bud, so to speak. The clamps would grab onto the offending butt-bloom and cut off its circulation until it just dropped off... so it was pretty effective, despite looking utterly terrifying.


Nope, They're Not Christmas Lights

These are rectal dilators. Untold horrors were visited upon the buttholes of the ancient world.

Check out more hideously terrifying medical procedures of the past!


Do you think that any person in the history of time ever gladly wore this anti-masturbation device?

Sources: Chirurgeon's Apprentice, Cracked, Surgical Technologists, Dose


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