ByMatthew Surprenant, writer at
Matthew is an eclectic horror & adventure author currently residing in CA.
Matthew Surprenant

Colloquially, we all have celebrities we loathe, sometimes almost comically. There’s nothing funnier than seeing people get their undies in a twist over someone else’s idiocy, douchebaggery or lack of skill. Truthfully, the only celebrity I have any beef with is Ashlee Simpson, because I ended up going to the Mall of America with my sisters as a kid and had to stand around for three hours to get her autograph, for their sake, and she refused to give it.

See? This kind of stuff is always good for a chuckle. Now, let’s look at some celebrities people are heavily polarized on, postulate why and have some fun.

Jonah Hill

The Good: He’s made you laugh at least once. For some of us, routinely.

The Bad: Occasional snarky behavior and slight conceitedness over an Oscar Nomination. His weight also rides a proverbial roller coaster. Once called someone in the paparazzi a fa**ot.

It's the people's weed!
It's the people's weed!

Best Quotes: “I’m f**cking 29 years old and not some angry kid.” – On Judd Apatow calling him an angry nerd.

“I’ve done one of the biggest challenges you can do in Hollywood, which is transition from being a comedic actor to being a serious actor, and I’m really prideful of that. I could have made a billion dollars doing every big comedy of the last 10 years and didn’t, in order to form a whole other life for myself. Now I have fulfillment doing both.”

“I run and do a lot of push-ups and eat healthy.”

Anne Hathaway

The Good: The Princess Diaries, Brokeback Mountain, Get Smart

The Bad: Her face. That HUGE smile, like she’s Julia Roberts’ muppet body double. No one is allowed to be that damn happy. She is horrible at speeches and even worse Oscar host.

She wants to eat you.
She wants to eat you.

Best Quotes: “I felt like I sprouted a pair of wings and lifted off of the ground”

"Woo. This is happening. Thank you very much for this lovely blunt object that I will forevermore use as a weapon against self doubt"

"I had a dream and it came true and that can happen and that's wonderful. I live my life with love"

"Making out with him is like the yummiest lollipop. Dipped in sunshine, And wrapped around in a masculine wrapper."

Miley Cyrus

The Good: Big Fish, perhaps Bolt. Other than that, she’s just a Disney kid trying to rebel, and it’s entertaining to see.

The Bad: Everything else

Actual image of her at the VMA's.
Actual image of her at the VMA's.

Best Quotes: "I haven't really seen one bad comment about my twerk video. This is the first thing! All right, I can't sing, I can't act, I'm dumb, I'm a hillbilly, but I can twerk, so whatever!"

"I think that everyone should leave Twitter. I think Twitter should be banned from this universe." (to Chicago's B96)

"I have a problem with people who wear board shorts when they're not going to the beach, and [Liam is] constantly in surf trunks. My best friend is gay, which doesn't help because he's always decked out really hot, and then I see my boyfriend, and I'm just like, 'I kinda want that one.' Even though you don't like me, I really like you." (on The Graham Norton Show)

Jennifer Lopez

The Good: Selena, Anaconda (for me, at least), Enough.

The Bad: Most of her chick flicks, plus The Wedding Planner and Angel Eyes. She’s kind of a diva and has dated more people than I can keep track of. After she went from Puff Daddy to Ben Affleck, I quit paying attention.

Ricky Martin is the straight one, right?
Ricky Martin is the straight one, right?

Best Quotes: “It’s turkey time. Gobble gobble.” – Gigli

“I have my own high standards for what I want in a partner and how I want to be treated. I bring a lot to the table.”

“You mirror what the world mirrors to you.”

“I judge people on how they smell, not how they look.”

Ashton Kutcher

The Good: Butterfly Effect, No Strings Attached

The Bad: He’s not Josh Hartnett.


Best Quotes: “The scruffier your beard, the sharper you need to dress.”

“I certainly don't think I'm deserving of taking up space forever as a human. There's a whole generation of people yet to be born that are going to be so much more evolved than I am. I don't want to take up space. They're going to be better equipped to make the world a better place than I am.”

“Modeling is the best because you have to look hot, which comes easy to me, you know. I'm blessed with that.”

Kristen Stewart

The Good: Panic Room, Catch That Kid, Zathura, The Runaways, On the Road

The Bad: Twilight and all the overproduced titles.

I think there's something written on the bottom...
I think there's something written on the bottom...

Best Quotes: “It's okay,' you know? It's okay to be you. It's okay to just not be okay. It's okay to not be okay.”

“I have really bad luck with my thumbs. It plagues me, actually. It drives me crazy! Both of them are very oddly shaped.”

Michael Bay

The Good: Bad Boys, The Rock, The Purge

The Bad: Almost all his remakes and adaptations, though we all keep watching them…

Mr. Bay's first film
Mr. Bay's first film

Best Quotes: “We don't make movies for critics. I've done four movies; there's millions upon millions upon millions of people who've paid to see them. Somebody likes them. My greatest joy is to sit anonymously in a dark theater and watch it with an audience, a paying audience.”

“I make movies for teenage boys. Oh dear, what a crime.”

“I'm done with effects movies for now. When you do a movie like 'Transformers,' it can feel like you're doing three movies at once - which is tiring.”

“There are many movies that have done it very badly. The studios have gone for quick profits and audiences are feeling angry. People aren't taking the time and spending the money to do it right. I am.”

Owen Wilson

The Good: Anaconda, Rushmore, Meet the Parents, Zoolander, The Life Aquatic, Night at The Museum

The Bad: Starsky & Hutch, spending too much time around Vince Vaughn, a nose that may not function.

He's loco.
He's loco.

Best Quotes: “I definitely would like to do some more dramatic roles.”

“It's funny how it usually works out that I end up dying. It sort of works out, because by the time I die, I'm usually tired of working on that particular movie, so I look forward to it.”

Paris Hilton

The Good: Repo!, her Supernatural cameo, having a sense of humor about who she is.

The Bad: Most everything else she’s done. She’s loathed for being rich, a bit conceited and trying a hand at various art forms with limited success.

Best Quotes: “Some girls are just born with glitter in their veins.”

That's hot.
That's hot.

“There's nobody in the world like me. I think every decade has an iconic blonde, like Marilyn Monroe or Princess Diana and, right now, I'm that icon.”

“I don't really think, I just walk.”

“I'm very intelligent. I'm capable of doing everything put to me. I've launched a perfume and want my own hotel chain. I'm living proof blondes are not stupid.”

Maggie Gyllenhaal

The Good: Confessions of a Dangerous Mind, Donnie Darko, Adaptation, Stranger Than Fiction

The Bad: Frequent deadpan roles, despite her skills. Also looked like she needed a nap in The Dark Knight

Cookies?  For me?
Cookies? For me?

Best Quotes: “I think sex is very interesting for most people, but I'm interested in sex as a way of communication, I'm not that interested in the fantasy version of a sex scene.”

“I don't see that many movies lately that are actually about something, that are trying to challenge something about the way that people interact.”

“I feel there is no shortage of real interesting women's roles. But I found them and did all of them just now.”

Care to add any?


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