Black Friday approaches, and retail as we know it will become a Gladiatorial arena. We've all heard rumblings of this night much like The Purge, but from mining a mixture of news stories and the intense Black Friday Reddit thread, I've compiled some of the most harrowing, disgusting and deranged Black Friday horror stories. Read on and please, add your own...
1. Fatal Shooting on Black Friday
At a Toys 'R Us in Palm Desert, California, a 2008 Black Friday shooting left two men dead.
The men's female friends had started punching each other, and the situation escalated as both men drew firearms and shot at each other. A shopper at the scene said: "I was scared. I didn't want to die today. I really didn't want to die today, and I think that's what we were all thinking."
2. Lethal Stampede
Another tragic case from 2008's Black Friday: seasonal Wal-Mart employee Jdimytai Damour was trampled to death by a horde of shoppers after the crowd smashed doors to stampede into the shopping center.
Four other people, including a lady who was 8-months pregnant, were also injured during the rush.
3. Spongebob Lobsterpants
When I worked at Sam's Club, during the madness one black Friday morning, we caught a woman stuffing the inside of her pants with frozen lobster tail. She would unpackage them and throw the trash in a stack of tires that were on display.
4 - Desperate times, desperate measures
"Our manager thought he was particularly smart winding the line through our appliance department... After checking the dryers we find a nice turd in one. Good size solid just sitting there. A lady who did not want to lose her spot opened the dryer, and shat right there in front of every one. I decided that day even though I may want stuff; I will never shit in front of an entire crowd of people for $799 50" plasma TV."
5. SNES Smash Melee
"He ended up losing an eye over the whole thing."
"Two kids are shoving each in front of the SNES. They start swinging at each other and the parents intervene, only to start fighting themselves. One of the parents had a bat in his cart and hits the other guy square in the back, knocking him into the display cabinet, shattering the glass and cutting him up really good.
The guy with the bat realizes what he did and grabs his kids and tries to make a run for the door. The police came in and wrestled this guy to the ground while his kids watched. He resisted and got a serious beatdown in the middle of the store. The other guy that went through the glass was cut up and bleeding really bad. He ended up losing an eye over the whole thing.
The other really messed up part of this whole thing was that people were taking toys out of the cart of the cut up guys cart as EMS worked on him and his kid sat there crying. One woman even tried to take the blood splattered, demo SNES out of the broken case to try to buy for her kid."
6. Call the darn Sheriff!
"There were two women tossing clothes back and forth to each other. But this little teenager (I mean like petite tiny girl) intercepted a pair of jeans being tossed and the women went f**king INSANE and elbowed her in the face.
Instant blood and the little girl was so shocked she just stood there shaking and crying.
The woman acted like that was a perfectly reasonable thing to do. I pulled her out of the crowd and started to walk her to get her cleaned up when the sheriff appeared out of nowhere. The best part was she was his kid and the woman was arrested on the spot."
7. Mace Spray
"An 80 year old grandma tackled and then bear-maced a woman over fleece fabric at my store. The old lady wanted a cancer pink-ribbon fabric, and the woman she ultimately tackled had called ahead and ordered a bulk amount of it, because she works for a cancer organization and makes blankets for cancer patients. Old lady doesn't give a shit. Whips out mace and tackles the woman."
If you really want to see some of the carnage for yourself – at a safe distance, of course – check out this mock-up trailer for a Black Friday horror movie...
Sadly, people have been killed or injured so many times that there is an official Black Friday Death Count. Shop safe, everyone – let's hope that counter doesn't increase by the weekend!