In my last article you said that I should do a Top Ten Weirdest MARVEL Heroes article. So... here it is. I went digging in the old MARVEL Encyclopedia and found some pretty crazy heroes. Now I'm going to share them with you guys. Let's get this party started!
Rage. A superhero who gained his powers when exposed to alien radiation and became a crime-fighter.
At first glance, rage would seem like a pretty cool hero, because of the awesome mask and the spikes and all, but he isn't. Underneath the amazing suit, we will find that instead of having intense super-strength or massive energy projection that we would expect, he has minimal flight capabilities and he can talk to birdies.
I chose him for the list simply because he misleads you into thinking that he'll be awesome, but turns out to be kinda silly.
Research scientist Ted Sallis, became the mindless monster called Man-Thing when an attempt to recreate a Super-soldier serum went monstrously awry. The Man-Thing is virtually indestructible, has super-strength and can burn people up at his touch if there is any fear in them. And, let's face it, if you saw that thing about to touch ya, you'd be so afraid you'd need a new pair of pants.
Obviously this guy, who somehow got his own MOVIE, needed to be on the list.
Robert Baldwin was bombarded by bubbles...ahem, bubbles?...anyways, was bombarded by bubbles from a different dimension that gave him the power to absorb kinetic energy and reflect it back at a greater velocity by bouncing off of walls... yeah.
Ok, everything about this kid makes me think he's weird. First of all, his costume... them goggles right? Second, his name is kinda... um... weird. Speedball? Sounds like some cartoony character from a... cartoon. The finally, his powers are very unique and by unique, I mean interesting, and by interesting, I mean weird. He bounces off of walls for cryin' out loud. We should call him the Human Racket Ball!
On a side note, Speedball is supposed to make an appearance on Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. in the near future.
Sharon, the She-Thing, and Benjamin Grimm, the Thing from the Fantastic Four, had a thing the moment they laid eyes on each other. However, her involvement in his life eventually caused her to become a mutated super hero just like the Thing.
As if the original Thing wasn't weird looking enough, they had to go and make another one. A girl!!! Nothing at all against girls, but it always bugged me when they made a female version of the heroes I loved. I'm not sure if Spider-Woman should count since she's so much different than Spider-Man, but Hawk Girl, Thor Girl, Miss America and there was even a female Punisher!!! She-Hulk and X-23 weren't bad, but She-Thing?!?
Yet another Fantastic Four knock-off. This mutant reminds me a whole lot of Mr. Fantastic, leader of F.F. The only difference is that he's a 2-D being. Thus the name... His suit even looks kinda like Mr. Fantastic's, with the blue and the black. And his powers are exactly the same. Super stretchable and elastic body.
Flatman (lame name) is part of the Great Lakes Avengers, a branch off of the original Avengers located in Michigan. Sorry Flatman, but I'm really not sorry for putting you on this list.
5. Squirrel Girl
First of all, did they only chose that name cause it rhymed? Squirrel Girl, Doreen Green, was born mutant with a three-foot squirrel tail. She is also a part of the Great Lakes Avengers like Flatman. That particular group has all sorts of peculiar characters. Although she's part of the GLA, her heart is set on being Iron Man's side-kick. However, he sort of rejected her because of her strangeness.
Squirrel Girl has increased strength and agility. She also has super leaping as well as super climbing powers. She has the ability to talk to and understand squirrels. I know, right? Her better powers are her knuckle-spike (a retractable spike in her knuckle) and her inability to lose to stronger opponents. Basically the bigger they are, the harder (and easier) they fall. The stronger the enemy, the bigger chance she has of winning. Ok, I'll admit, that's kinda cool.
So then, Bird-Brain. Bird-Brain is an Ani-Mate, half human half bird. He and his fellow Ani-Mates were created by Ani-Mator and treated as slaves.
Bird-Brain can fly, obviously, and has a hallow skeleton just as a bird. His eyes also are immune to drying out during flight. The hallow skeleton can't be very good for crime-fighting. He must get several injuries.
Bird-Brain escaped from Ani-Mator only to be captured by the U.S. government. They were going to experiment on him, but he escaped them too and joined the New Mutants.
3.Howard the Duck
This guy. Howard is... well... a duck man. He comes from another world called (wait for iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit) Duckworld (right?!?). Duckworld is a reality where people evolved from ducks and kept several characteristics of a duck. (Okay, this is already lame.)
Howard is a master in the almost forgotten martial art called...Quack Fu. (Will ya just stop it already?!?!) This duck stuff is really startin' to bug me. It's really fowl. See what I did there? ;)
Howard was brought to the mainstream Marvel universe by a demon named Thog. He fell in love with Beverly Switzler who was deranged enough to love him back. I mean, who, in their right mind, would fall in love with a duck with a smoking problem?!!?
My friends and I (What? I have friends? Amazing right?) decided that Howard the Duck must have been thought up one night when Stan Lee was drunk and watching old Donald Duck cartoons.
Slapstick, Steve Harmon, had his molecules become unstable while fighting the Evil Clowns of Dimension X and was given two magical gloves. He later joined the New Warriors and became friends with none other than Speedball. This explains a lot.
His powers are that he's indestructible and his body is stretchable. He gains super strength, speed, and durability from electricity. His magic gloves give him powers as well. One allows him to transform from Slapstick to human and back, while the other has an extra-dimensional storage pocket for holding all sorts o' goodies.
My personal opinion on this weird dude? I think he is too much of a cartoony character and should stick to Looney Tunes or Tom and Jerry.
And here are our honorable mentions...
So, Japeth had a pretty pathetic life. (Sorry, but it's true) He was born on a small African village and had a disease that didn't allow him to eat solid food. Being extremely poor, his family abandoned him in the desert.
He discovered his mutant power, with some help from Magneto. That power is to have two three-foot slugs come out of his body, eat food, crawl back inside of him, spit out the food, and he digests it. WHAT?!?
So... exactly where do they come out of him? They're always seen oozing out the front of his freakin' pants!!! This makes me not even want to know any more. And when they're done eating, they just climb back down the front of his pants???? Disgusting!!!!! Plus, his powers are basically useless for fighting villains.
He spent quite a while looking for Magneto to thank him, but found the X-Men instead. He joined them until he was captured by Weapon X. (Uh oh. They're gonna give him Adamantium slugs!!!) But no, he was executed by the authorities there. Bummer.
I believe I have found the weirdest and the dumbest when it comes to Marvel's heroes, but what do you think?