So one day right, i was sitting on the couch. I was hungry and it was lunch time so i thought, hey why not go get a sandwich to eat. I walked to the kitchen and opened the cupboard to see a loaf of bread looking me in the eyes, the lustful crusts piercing into my soul, wanting to be eaten and devoured.
But i closed the cupboard and didn't think anything of the tears that soaked the white bread, filling the bag with screams of the sorrows, begging to enter my mouth and fill me the the brim.
Little did i know it would change the course of history forever.
As i was sitting there i looked out the window and 20 dollars was lying there, just lying there and yearning to be picked up my me, strong amazing and perfect mucho gracious carlos. So i went outside and picked it up, thinking i had just scored lunch free of charge, something better than some old musty bread sitting in my cupboard.
Making my way to the shops, i saw an old man sitting on the corner of the road looking seedy. So i decided to go over to him and say hi. He asked me if i knew what a whale was and preceded to think of new ways to eat my ears of without touching the tendons inside. I ran as fast as i could.
Bolting up the road without looking behind i made way for the shops, it would be safe there. Just me and the food, together again. Then i tripped and fell, the twenty dollars flying out of my mouth and into my pocket. The only problem was, my face was now a bloody mess.
Getting to the shops i was hit in the back of the head with a broom and turned around with a big lump on my head. Standing there was my mother, but i dont think she recognized me. My face was a bloody mess and for some reason my zombie instincts from when i was experimented on as a fetus had come out and i looked like a ravishing young zombie trying to make his own way in the world. But some people didn't like that.
I ran into the shops as my mom called me a failed unicorn on a french hopping dutch cruise liner. Little did i know those words would be the things that changed my life forever.
I went to the chocolate isle and bought some chocolate and swallowed my sadness in the sadness of the chocolate, letting the tears of the damned slide down my throat and enter my soul, never to be seen again. The feeling of being filled with chocolate was almost to much to handle and my zombie instincts shut off, but the devil had appeared and spoke the words. You are a failed unicorn on a french hopping dutch cruise liner. I started falling.
Little did i know, i wasn't actually falling, i had just flown across the room and was know under the cash register. I got up and bolted again, out off the store and into the drain system. This is the worst day of my life i thought.
I walked towards the first set of tunnels and realized, it went down. But before i could think about it, i ran down the pipe as screaming of that old man could be heard from above searching for me. I moved quickly and swiftly, like a gazelle on a mid summers night, prancing and sprinting all in one, a magnificent array of mucho gracious carlos.
The tunnels led into a bigger pipe and i followed it hearing slow chanting and booming drums coming from down int he depths of the drains. I slowly made my way there, careful not to wake the sleeping children passed out in the corner.
Down further lay a cavern bigger than my moms room. it was huge i had never seen so much space for decorating before. But no one was here. just an empty space of black. Until the old man came out from the shadows and starting running at me, yelling at me because my ear was still attached.
That was when the end of the world came along and before i knew it, the old man had stopped just inches from my face and kissed me, saying i was his one and only overlord and he would rule for me in this time of need. It was time for a new generation i thought, no more mr nice guy!
The floor beneath me gave way and the roof opened up to storm clouds and meteors flying into the earths atmosphere. They were aliens, and they had come for my bread.
But i had left the bread to die, this was my fault. If i had eaten the bread they would have realised that i was eating it and they couldn't have it but now i had left it open ended and they were here for the one and only thing i ever took for granted. The bread in the cupboard.
I loved that bread despite what i said about it. I rejected it and left it there for the aliens. but i was determined to eat it before they got to it. So i bolted away, running down the street to my house. I had come along way and this was my fate, the thing that i was put here on the earth to do.
Cinematic music started playing and i realised my potential. I had suddenly become a failed unicorn, flying on a french hopping dutch cruise liner. As i flew into the sky, aliens flew around me, but i was invisible so they could not see me.
Reaching my house i blew off an aliens head with my finger as it turned from a shotgun back to a finger. This was my trump card and secret i had told nobody. luckily mom had never annoyed me.
As i opened the front door, mom was lying on the floor, meditating. so i walked passed her quietly and opened the cupboard and ate the bread i had left before. I could feel it entering me and i knew i was changing. Before i knew it, i had hit the next stage in my life, adulthood. I was now a man!
Today was a good day. It would be the day we now know as Halloween on the second of june, where everyone celebrated that aliens didnt eat the bread and a human named mucho gracious carlos had!