Anyone who watches a lot of horror movies tends to have pretty well-defined feelings about dolls. Dolls creep us out, especially when they laugh maniacally, their unseeing eyes boring into your soul, as they do in these darkly hilarious vintage baby doll commercials.
Check out 6 creepy dolls that would make Annabelle run screaming back to the hell dimension from whence she came...
1. Baby Laugh-a-Lot
Best bit of the video: The little girls whipping their heads around in surprise/terror at the doll's nefarious cackling. I haven't seen a neck spin like that since The Exorcist.
Proof of Doll's Evil: Its giggle rises to a cacophonous climax, sending the children and even the ad's voice-over into actual mass hysteria. Also, it rocks back and forth while it giggles: a sure sign of insanity.
2. Chatty Cathy
Best bit of the video: the unsettlingly pleading tone that Cathy uses to talk to you. Somehow, she manages to make phrases like "please change my dress" sound more like "please, loosen my shackles."
Proof of Doll's Evil: I was starting to feel sorry for Chatty Cathy - surely she's not an evil doll, but a human child trapped inside a waxen doll shell? Then I saw the hollow black eyes and I thought, "Nope. Evil."
3. Bonny Bride
Best bit of the video: What an entrance! Bonny Bride comes gliding in like a particularly feminine Dalek, her vacant eyes absorbing the shadows that envelop her. Plus, given the wild adoration, it seems that she exerts some sort of bizarre hold on those little girls...
Proof of Doll's Evil: Everything really, but mostly the chilling statement at the end, "No batteries needed." Yup, because it's powered by the nightmares of tortured kiddies.
Best bit of the video: I'm gonna just say it. Starla's 'Magic Microphone' looks like a giant D.
Proof of Doll's Evil: The multi-layered vocal technology that makes Starla's chattiness possible has the unfortunate side-effect of making her sound like she holds the souls of a thousand munchkins trapped inside her.
5. Patti Play Pal
Best bit of the video: the doll turning up unannounced and raising her robot arms messianically is pretty good. But I also love the kid in bed cuddling her new Play Pal, whose cold, hard eyes are wide open as if she's just had a really intense idea...
Proof of Doll's Evil: Patti - who we're constantly reminded is "as big as a 3-year-old" - is clearly practicing so that she can take over that little girl's life once and for all. She's not a doll - she's a doppelgänger!