ByZoe Rose, writer at

Honestly, I love Quentin Tarantino movies. So this article might seem a little confusing. But I figure that parody is the true highest form of flattery, so here we go...

1.) Start with an introduction to the film in media res and make the rest of the movie a flashback.

(If you don't know what that is, look it up. Nobody's judging you.) Opening your film on an intense and confusing scene that will only make sense at the very end makes audience have to watch the whole thing so they won't seem uncultured to their friends when they can't just sorta-watch it to get the gist of it for conversations.

2.) Have at least half an hour of the movie dedicated to people bullshitting around Waiting for Godot style.

Between all the gun slinging and gore, how else are we supposed to get to know our characters? And what better way then by them exchanging dialogue on mostly unrelated things like cheeseburgers in Amsterdam while on their way to kill a couple people? You can't question that logic.

3.) Get the one true bad mother f----er in the movie somewhere, somehow

Uma might be great, but a Quentin Tarantino movie is not quite complete without Sam Jackson shooting someone in the face and spouting out fake Bible passages (the only exception being Reservoir Dogs).

4.) Also, give yourself a cameo.

Come on, you deserve it.

5.) It's either a seventies-styled crime thriller, or its a western-styled revenge movie.

It could potentially be both, but it can't be neither. Think grind house flicks or spaghetti westerns.

6.) Get a little racist.

You know that one word that you definitely shouldn't say, especially if you're white? Yeah, use that word liberally as you write the script. And if anybody gets angry or groups protest, shake it off. You're Taran-freaking-tino, you can do whatever the hell you want to.

7.) Monologues. The coolest characters have monologues.

Like #2, they're usually unrelated to what is going on, but still pretty damn interesting. Whether they be about the reasoning behind one's preference of Superman or defending your stance on not tipping waiters, as long as it's told by a hard ass smoking a cigarette, you're good to go.

8.) And top it all of with a kick-ass soundtrack to boot.

Can't exactly explain this one, but anything that would be on your playlist as you speed away in a stolen car after a botched jewelry heist would be fine.


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