ByDavid McDermott, writer at
TV Reviews with a Scottish flair...which is code for moaning a lot. Find more of my stuff at
David McDermott

Doctor Who is one of those things which is consistently part of the Christmas day schedule, sort of similar to farting a lot on the couch or eating a Terry’s Chocolate Orange; however unlike the latter two, Doctor Who on Christmas tends to be something which is put up with rather than truly enjoyed.

One of my major problems with Doctor Who Christmas special is that they tend to be cheesy as fuck, so naturally when you see Santa stroll into the promos you don’t really have much hope for the episode. Thankfully the cynic in me was proved wrong and the episode actually turned out to be pretty decent.

Beware of spoilers…they are contained ahead and are super scary and harmful to your health…not mental, more physical, with all the eye hurt they put on you and stuff…

I think one of the ironic things about life is that when I steal someone else’s work I’m called a plagiariser, when rich people or the writers of TV shows do this everything is ok…life isn’t fair… Anyway I’m sure you can see what I’m talking about because you can paint a horse up like a zebra but it still isn’t a camel…hm…I don’t think that is right somehow… What I’m trying to say is a story about dreaming and how super scary it is and how shit don’t go as it’s supposed to has been done before, and done better before as well.

At least they're smiling...
At least they're smiling...

So let me rip through some of the unusual shit that went down and didn’t really make sense. The whole face raper thing was unusual in itself but it was never really explained why each person was chosen (oddly enough from the four corners of Britain and somewhere in space) and why there were only six people affected by this epidemic. Am I the only one who found it odd that the Scottish lady one was sleeping during the day and nobody thought it was odd that she had some scaly shit on her face, maybe they thought it was her new facemask to keep the sun out…what can I say, Scottish people… Also why was she during the day but the others were at night time? Why nobody was bothered that the guy basically died? Why did we not get the scene where somebody walks in on his dead body with some shit on his face which is eating his brains and then sells their story to the Daily Mail? I’d be interested in reading that, situated right next to a story about how socialism is killing babies and what ‘insert celebrity name’ wore whilst they went to Waitrose. If the thing falling off your face symbolises you waking up from one of your dreams, then the Doctor must have been attacked initially and sent into the dream and then instantly been attacked in the same location to send him into the dream where he is in line with old Clara, that is some vicious dream cuddlers. Anyway, I’m nit-picking but you can see what I mean, lots of little mistakes become a big mistake and a big mistake ruins an episode.

Another thing I found odd was how forthright they were with the whole Santa ain’t real thing. I don’t believe in Santa, but then I’m in my twenties and not really Santa’s (or this shows) target audience, but I imagine there were people who were watching this who do believe in Santa and at times I was like ‘ohhhhhh’ which isn’t a good thing. I really like Nick Frost, he’s a good actor and a funny guy, he very much delivered with his performance. My biggest problem is that he wasn’t utilised as well as he could have been and very much felt on the fringes of the episode. Another thing I found odd was that at the end of the episode there was a tangerine sitting at Clara’s window; now one of two things has happened here, either Clara has irresponsibly left a tangerine on her windowsill where the sun will get to it and will make it rot and stink out her bedroom or Santa left it there cause he like tangerines apparently. The thing is that throughout the episode they established that Santa was in your imagination and that he was there to help you out of the dream…so…are they still in the dream? Because that is what the episode has led me to believe throughout. Is the show going to do a Dallas as we found out the last chunk of episodes were actually a dream? I doubt it, rather I imagine it was put in because the basically had said Santa isn’t real and then made the last scene to say ‘or is he!?!?!?’ Of course the answer is no he isn’t and unless you are under the age of 10 you probably know that already which creates a strange paradox which will probably never be answered or mentioned again.

I make it sound like I didn’t enjoy the episode, I thought it was ok and was miles better than last year’s Christmas episode and I was also glad to see that the episode followed the darker line which had been set out in the series prior. I still think that they aren’t really using Capaldi to his full capabilities and that in itself is a crime, but the show is heading in the right direction and the future is looking brighter than it has in a number of years.

So what did you think of this year’s Doctor Who Christmas special? Did you wonder if your life was also just an elaborate dream? Did this episode make you crave for tangerines? Well leave a comment and share your thoughts and don’t forget to join the Facebook and Twitter pages or check out the host site for more excellent original content because why the fuck not?


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