Time travelers in movies tend to have pretty big ambitions: presidential assassinations, battles won and lost, cultural history formed - but we all know that real life time travel would probably not work out that way...
Project Almanac sees a bunch of everyday High School kids have All The Fun with time travel, and that got me thinking what a regular joe like me would do with all that lovely POWER... (SPOILERS: it wouldn't be as glamorous as I'd like to think!) The movie hits theaters on January 30th.
1. The Wonders of the Ancient World
Expectation: Seeing the Dinosaurs!
The most majestic giant beasts ever to stalk the Earth! You could see actual, real dinosaurs in all their glory, never before seen by human eyes!
Reality: Seeing some really, really, really old plants.
Time and space are pretty big, and chances are you'll land somewhere with no dinosaurs - was it Jurassic, Triassic or Cretaceous you wanted? It's hard to be impressed by a freakin' fern, even if it is 200,000,000 years old. Good luck fighting off prehistoric diseases and allergies too!
2. Epic Historical Pranks
Expectation: Messing with Olde Worlde People!
Hey, 15th Century, check out my iPhone! Whoooh, lights and apps and electricity, isn't this just blowing your tiny ancient minds? Now make me your king.
Reality: Running away from a murderous lynch mob.
I'm not a witch! It's a phone, not a demon! Get me back to the 21st Century, pronto!
3. Prevent Terrible Wars
Expectation: Killing Hitler! Ending evil!
Go back and nunchuck Hitler into oblivion, thus preventing WW2 and saving millions of lives!
Reality: Flashing your butt at Hitler and running away giggling.
Messing with causality like that is pretty heavy - what if you end up making the world much, much worse? Besides, you'd probably not want to do any actual murder... just flash your butt at that asshole instead - Hey, you'd still feel pretty punk rock!
4. Cinematic History
Expectation: Seeing Citizen Kane at its glamorous premiere!
May 1, 1941. New York comes alive to welcome the greatest film ever made to the moviegoing public...
Reality: Skipping back a couple months and seeing that movie that made you laugh so much you snorted soda out your nose... again.
Meh, I'm more of a laid-back comedy type of person than a black and white film buff. Besides, I now I know that cute girl in Chem class really wanted to see it ...
5. Go Wild in the West
Expectation: Seeing to some rough justice in the Wild West!
Surely the most thrilling portion of American history, you could go back to a time of gunslingers, swingin' saloons and buxom dames!
Reality: Hiding in an outhouse for two hours.
That rough, frontier justice? Turns out it's pretty rough. Like, you're-gonna-get-caught-in-a-crossfire rough. Best wait it out 'til your ride back to the future arrives.
The kids of Project Almanac OWN time travel from January 30 - but could you do better with a time machine?