Having made some very harsh comments about the DC Cinematic Universe in my previous post about why I think DC needs to have Jack Kirby’s Fourth World come to the cinema, I must clarify a few things about why I have so little faith in those upcoming movies. It is not for the usual reasons.
It’s not that I hate DC. I am primarily a DC comics fan. Batman, Superman, The Flash and Mister Miracle are my favorite superheroes. Young Justice was the best Superhero cartoon ever made, Arrow is the best live action superhero show, The Dark Knight is the best superhero movie, and as long as DC has Grant Morrison writing for them, they will be superior in the comic field as well. I like marvel characters too, but they just aren’t quite my favourites.
It also isn’t because I hated Man of Steel. I absolutely loved that movie the first three times I watched it, all of which occurred before I realized that Superman straight up dragged Zod to Smallville where they fought and trashed the town which kind of put a damper on my enthusiasm about the whole thing.
Other than that, it was a great movie. The acting was fantastic, the storytelling quite excellent, and the special effects flawless. On top of it all, this particular version of Superman finally learned the proper way to deal with terrorists:
However, DC Entertainment is making some very grave artistic errors in its recent choices. After the mammoth success of Arrow, they sold the TV rights of the Flash to the CW which I’m sure seemed like a good idea at the time. It wasn’t. Presumably because of The Flash's more lighthearted tendencies, the CW felt much more comfortable turning him into a soap opera character who is in love with, get this: HIS CHILDHOOD FRIEND WHO HAPPENS TO BE A GIRL.
I mean, this is sort of what I was expecting for the Marvel characters when they were bought by Disney all those years ago. Suddenly it is easier to compare the Flash to Malificent than it is to compare him to Arrow.
Worse than that, though, is absolutely everything we have heard about Batman V. Superman: Dawn of Justice. First of all, DC takes their two greatest assets, two of the oldest and most well-received superheroes in all of comicbookdom and instead of having them team up and start a Justice League like civilized men, they are going to fight! Not just for little bit either. I mean, if that is the main premise of the movie (and it better be if that’s the title) this isn’t going to be a brief misunderstanding. This is going to be an earth-shaking battle between two impossible ideals that will end with either a very unprofitable death or else a very lame reason for them to forgive each other.
However, while the highly-paid writers of this nonsense story scramble to make all that believable, they are also tasked with incorporating Lex Luthor, Wonder Woman, Cyborg and Aquaman. That’s too much. There is no coherent way of doing all of that in one movie. Heck, look what happened when they tired to put Electro, Green Goblin and Rhino in the same movie:
You see why I’m concerned. I’d hate to see Batman and Superman failed as badly as Spiderman was in that movie. Of course, it won’t end with Batman V. Superman. DC has a whole lineup of monstrosities on the way. At about half the speed Marvel would get it done, DC plans to make the following schedule happen:
Batman V Superman: Dawn of Justice - March 25th, 2016
Suicide Squad – August 5th, 2016
Wonder Woman - June 23rd, 2017
Justice League - November 17th, 2017
The Flash - March 23rd, 2018
Aquaman - July 27th, 2018
Shazam - April 5th, 2019
Justice League 2 - June 14th, 2019
Cyborg - April 3rd, 2020
Green Lantern - June 19th, 2020
Notice first that Batman V. Superman is over a year away. Aren’t we going to be a bit tired about hearing about it by then? Sure, nothing will ever stop people (including myself) from going and seeing if anybody wins, but there are definitely going to be a lot of negative feelings about the movie by then. There already are.
Next, notice how the following movie is about a concept we should all hate, just as we should all hate the ISIS, the Boko Haram, the Hunger Games and the purge. Suicide Squad is about people who don’t care whether or not they live or die. As efficient as that is for black ops agent, does the focus on suicide need to be so strong? Suicide is a serious problem. We really should not glorify it in any way, even if it does involve Will Smith playing the coolest sharpshooter in the Comic universe.
A year later we are going to be greeted by Wonder Woman, a female superhero whose every word, wardrobe choice, fighting move, and facial expression by every feminist on the continent. What the controversies will be I can’t say for sure, but there will be controversy. The women in your life will make you rue the day you heard about superheroes.
When the smoke clears, we will somehow then have a Justice League Movie. This will involve the Batman and Superman who spent an entire movie fighting and the Wonder Woman that everyone will still be leery of after what ever social slip-up she will doubtlessly make. Despite these completely irreconcilable character problems, the writers of the movie will still try to make Justice League Part 1 the biggest superhero movie of all time, complete with aliens, explosions and drawn-out action sequences that the critics will rightfully decry as feeble attempts at making up for shoddy storytelling.
After that, things could look up. The Flash, as one of my favorite characters, has tons of potential for greatness. However, if they do what they have done with him in the Flash TV show, the Flash will be another critical failure.
Aquaman will be next, and depending on how right I turn out to be about the other movies, his will be a financial wreck as well. People still love making fun of him, and he is running out of nerds who will still defend him as more and more of us find out that Namor predates him as a character, making him a cheap knockoff regardless of what one thinks about his abilities.
To be honest, I have no idea what will happen from that point on. Shazam could be a blockbuster or a bomb. Justice League Part 2 might learn from former mistakes or it might not. Cyborg could rise to the occasion to be his own man, or find out why he always has to be simply part of a team. Green Lantern could be watchable, or it could be similar to the last one. You never know.
The only thing is, will DC actually make it there? It depends how Batman V. Superman goes. Certainly, as I have said before, everybody will go and see that one. But if they hate that movie as much as I think they will, it might be the last DC movie for a lot of people. They may never want to see any of those characters again and I wouldn’t blame them. That is why if it was at all possible, and I was in charge of things over at DC, I would do some major altering to the plan. I’m not saying I know I could do better, but what I am saying is that there are companies who have, such as…hmmm…what was the name of that one?