If you are one of the five women in the universe who creams their panties over the thought of a guy whipping your tampon out and tossing it in the shitter before banging you, I have something that is really going to get you going.
As for everyone else, I'm so sorry.
A fan-made video has emerged of animated characters bravely treading the path that Sam Taylor-Johnson refused to walk down, and it is brilliantly bizarre.
This is the sort of madness that you really have to see with your own eyes, so I will let you do just that!
Hmmmm, I could get down with that...
...And if he pulls this graceless lump, maybe he would be totally down with me!
I am a bit alarmed about what he is going to do with that spade though.
Oh no he didn't!
A Perfectly reasonable reaction
NOPE, NOPE, NOPE
Don't you know that shit will clog the drains, Christian?! Amateur.
If that informative breakdown wasn't enough for you, satisfy your bloodlust (sorry) with the full video below:
For those of you who are curious about what this menstrual mess sounds like in E.L. James' bewitching prose, you can read the entire extract from the novel below. Apologies in advance.
His breathing is ragged, matching mine.
"When did you start your period, Anastasia?" he asks out of the blue, gazing down at me.
"Err… yesterday," I mumble in my highly aroused state.
"Good." He releases me and turns me around.
"Hold on to the sink," he orders and pulls my hips back again, like he did in the playroom, so I'm bending down.
He reaches between my legs and pulls on the blue string… what! And… gently pulls my tampon out and tosses it into the nearby toilet. Holy fuck. Sweet mother of all… Jeez. And then he's inside me… ah! Skin against skin… moving slowly at first… easily, testing me, pushing me… oh my. I grip on to the sink, panting, forcing myself back on him, feeling him inside me. Oh the sweet agony… his hands clasp my hips. He sets a punishing rhythm - in, out, and he reaches around and finds my clitoris, massaging me… oh jeez. I can feel myself quicken.
"That's right, baby," he rasps as he grinds into me, angling his hips, and it's enough to send me flying, flying high.