BySumeja Kladanjcic, writer at Creators.co

There's a certain type of “Fifty Shades” merchandise you expect (use your imagination). But wine, cookies and teddy bears … really? Here are some of the most absurdly wonderful Christian Grey cross-marketing we’ve seen so far — plus a few movie-inspired items we submit to wanting.

Teddy bear

Let’s start with what’s perhaps the most scandalous stuffed animal in history: The Vermont Teddy Bear Company’s Christian Grey bear, complete with his own mini handcuffs. Is he creepy? Is he cute? Is this a really expensive gag gift? The jury’s still out, but we’re keeping him far away from our precious childhood teddy. ($89.99, vermontteddybear.com)

Verdict: Not likely. This gives new meaning to the term “sex toy.”

Wine

We’ll admit, this merchandising makes sense if you’ve read the book, and E.L. seems to know her wine. Choose from the “Red Satin” Syrah blend or the “White Silk” Sauvignon Blanc blend. ($17.99 per bottle, fiftyshadeswine.com)

Verdict: The perfect bottles to bring to a bachelorette party.

Music

“Relaxing,” “hauntingly beautiful” and “totally awesome.” Most reviewers of Fifty Shades of Grey: The Classical Album have great things to say about this compilation of moody pieces mentioned in the book. Piano music—Christian Grey’s forte—features heavily. More of a Beyonce/Rolling Stones type? Wait for the official movie soundtrack, out February 10th.

Verdict: Maybe we’ll have a listen ($9, amazon.com

Cookies

Even the innocent-seeming crafters and bakers of Etsy are getting on the bondage bandwagon. Perhaps our favorite item: These custom cookies created by Didi of For the Love of Cookies.

Verdict: Totally fun for sneaking into the movie theater ($39.99, etsy.com).

Blush kit

We love the colors intensities, pigment quality and fluffy angled brush included in this Make Up For Ever kit—all perfect for creating the multidimensional flush that’s so big right now. Cheeky, not cheesy. (Make Up For Ever ‘Desire Me’ cheek set, $49, sephora.com)

Verdict: Our most-likely purchase.

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