ByKarly Rayner, writer at
Movie Pilot's celebrity savant
Karly Rayner

When a book becomes a pop culture phenomenon like Fifty Shades of Grey, it's inevitable that knock off merchandising will follow in its wake like the world's most sordid slip stream.

I've trawled the grubby old bowels of the internet so you don't have to and found the worst of the bunch, but which one do you guys think is the most shades of fucked up?

Reveal Your Inner Sex Life Secrets... To Everyone You Know!

For a princely price of $29.31, you too can learn all the things you've ever wanted to know about how your friends and family bone each other!

In the telling words of one traumatized Amazon reviewer:

We decided to play.....yeah I need therapy now.

Trust me, you don't want to see your mom/sister/colleague's inner goddess, even if she is doing the merengue with some salsa moves.

The Inappropriate Conception

Who doesn't want a reminder of how much fun they were having nine months ago while they are wiping their writhing, screaming baby's butt?

"Easy wipe down PVC" has never been so frightfully kinky.

License to Fail

Hey guys! Do you know what really gets women going? Whipping out a weird fake ID as a grown adult that proclaims they are a fictional character. PHWOOOOAR.

Tasteful Restraint

There is no need to worry about meeting Mr. Grey's level of finesse and refinement when you have this giant wall decal screaming about your screwing habits for all to see.

Granny won't see you now... Or ever again.

Baby NO

That puddle of vomit on the floor is the result of me reading this baby grow, soz!

We all know where babies come from, but does a new born child really have to be unknowingly making winking references to an erotic novel.

M&Ms Do S&M

It's just an overtly sexualised piece of confectionary in chains and fishnets, nothing to see here.

Fifty Shades of Bestial Bafflement

If you equate your dog to bondage, you've probably been reading the wrong book...

Lurid Laundry

Need something appropriately 'scentsual' to wash those dank, defiled sheets? Not a problem!

Winnie the Perve Will See You Now...

You too can witness the scintillating eroticism emanating from this anthropomorphised bear's cold, dead eyes for the bargain price of $189.95!

(Source: The Guardian, Etsy and Amazon)


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