News Broke out the other day, and throughout the inter-webs (see what I did there?) People have been pretty stoked! Their reactions looking a bit like this.
But some people have been awful angry that Andrew Garfield will not reprise the role as the 30 Year old, Peter Parker, a sometimes witty teenager who lost his uncle and girlfriend through non threatening non-canon super villains. How dare the recast Spidey for 8Millionth time?!?! BUT! What if that’s not what they’re doing at all?
Obviously MARVEL studios doesn’t want to drag their fans through the same old crap we’ve all seen twice in the past 10 years, what with another old man dying and another dweeby 30 year old actor pretending to look 18 getting bit by a bug. What if, instead, they kept Garfield as Spider-Man, and instead of recasting Pete, they cast an entirely new person to be Spider-Man!!
What if, they put Garfield in Civil War? The storyline in which Spider-Man oh wait, *SPOILERS* Reveals his freakin Secret Identity to the world! That’s right, Garfield would say he’s Peter Parker, the world would go nuts and so would his entire fan base, and rogues gallery!
Of course, in the comics, this lead to the crappiest Spider-Man story Arc in the world, One More Day, which I personally won’t get into at this point in time. But what if (in the Cinematic Universe) that’s not what it leads to?
Insert the interesting part here! Instead of going the route of One More Day, where Spidey makes a deal with the Devil to make everyone forget who Spidey is, they go to the Ultimate Universe. We all know MARVEL is good at blending the Ultimate Universe and the 616, which is the normal one.
So at this point, instead of One More Day, the 2017 Spidey Movie starts with Spider-man fighting the Sinister 6! Of course, Spider-Man is the best hero in the MARVEL universe, and he can fight any foe and win! He’s a good guy; of course he can fight the biggest fight of his life and win! And now, New York isn’t scared of him because they know him! The Sinister 6 don’t stand a chance, they come to Spider-Man’s doorstep, and there’s no chance that-
Spidey died. Peter Parker, THE Spider-Man, is now dead in the Ultimate Universe (Or at least was). This moment sucked. This moment sucked more than anything ever. Tony Stark felt so guilty for Parker’s death; he offered Aunt May and Gwen Stacy Mary Jane his services. (And that would work so completely because it’s basically Stark’s fault for killing Captain America, and now Spider-Man!) And if you’re a huge MARVEL comic book fan, you know what I’m going for by this point.
Some people should remember a few years ago when Donald Glover, or Childish Gambino whatever you wanna call him, offered to be the New Spider-Man for the Amazing Spider-Man movie series. SONY declined and the Internet went wild, but Mr. Glover explains this event better than I ever would, so you can either watch his stand up comedy special on Netflix, “Weirdo” or just watch this. I suggest the first part though.
Skip to 1:03
And back then, MARVEL was pretty mad at SONY for not bending over backwards at their deals to take back the web head, so naturally, when Donald Glover declined, they spat in the face of SONY’s decision. They made a Black Spider-Man named Miles Morales and whored him out to the world. Then they hired Donald Glover to voice act as him in the Ultimate Spider-Man TV series!
Back to the story, Miles Morales was bitten long before Spider-Man even died. About a month before Doc Ock knocks on his door. And when he gets the powers, he says no. Miles decides to focus on his schoolwork and be a good guy t himself; “There’s already a Spider-Man! And he seems to love getting punched in the face. I don’t want his job, the only responsibility I have is to myself.” Sound familiar?
So when Miles hears about Spidey being beat to death, he jumps, not swings because he doesn’t have web shooters, to Peter Parker’s house, but Miles is too late. Spidey may have saved his Aunt and Mary Jane, but at the cost of his life. And it’s all Miles’ fault. If Miles had just picked up a costume and been Spider-Man, he could’ve helped. He could’ve been there, fighting with the superheroes. Spider-Man would still be alive if he had back up. (I just noticed, every Spider-Man has this warped sense of guilt around stuff they could never control or foresee. Weird huh?) So Miles says, no more! He puts his suit on and decides to be the good guy. Miles takes Peter Parker’s suit and decides to be the hero that no longer swings across the city. Except he’ll jump. He’ll be, Jump-Man! The New Spidey tries to Avenge (See what I did there?) his fallen idol by bringing the Six to justice, but without the know-how of Spider-Man or the Web-Shooters, Jump-Man is easily defeated. He needs webs, but too bad, he has to do this alone.
Except he won’t! Aunt May loves Childish Gambino for dropping his rap career just to Avenge her nephew. So she gives him Peter’s Web-Shooters! Miles obviously accepts, and Aunt May even gives Miles the super secret Spider-Web fluid formula. Miles is smart, but not that smart. He’s not a chemist, so who makes the web fluid for Miles?
Who else?! Enter fan-favorite, Ganke! Miles Morales’s best friend in the world and super smart Web-Fluid provider Ganke that is! Now Miles has to practice his powers out, but on who?
Duh?! Let’s think about this, Tony Stark just issued a law, NO MORE SUPERHEROES! Cap is dead, and now there are only renegade vigilantes running through the streets, and after the death of Cap and Spidey, Mr. Stark won’t accept this. The thing is, Stark doesn’t even need to be in the movie! He can be mentioned, but no one actually has to show him! He’s just sending out SHEILD Agents to try and stop this new menace, the Spider-Man!
Before you think, “That’s way too many villains! You can’t have that many villains in a Spider-Man movie! This story sounds so stuffed and convoluted, this is gonna be longer than the Titanic!” Well I say, shut your nay saying mouth until I’m done with the damn article! How many villains did Thor have? 2. How many Villains did Iron Man 2 have? 2.5. How Many Villains did the Winter Soldier have? 5! How Many Villains did Guardians of the Galaxy have? 7-8, if you’re an anal comicbook reader! Either way, MARVEL is the master of multiple villain syndromes! Where SONY fails, MARVEL will be there to pick them back up. MARVEL can handle the Villain half and SONY will deal with all the . . . get back to me on that.
So there we have it, my theory of what they should do with the Spider-Man franchise! The plot of the original Spider-Man dying for exposing his secret identity, at the hands of the Sinister 6, and his biggest fan Miles Morales, guilt ridden at the death of his idol, Avenging his death by bringing the Sinister 6 to Justice! Kevin Fiege and Amy Pascol, if you’re reading this, all I ask is that you consider me as the role of Miles Morales, second to Donald Glover and please for the love of god, DO NOT involve Jaden Smith. These are my only wishes.
But what do you think? What should be the fate of Spider Man? Let me know in the comments below.