ByJancy Richardson, writer at Creators.co
To avoid fainting, keep repeating 'It's only a movie...It's only a movie...'
Jancy Richardson

Some of us hate Valentine's Day. That slushy, soppy crap gets old real quick, doesn't it? So here are 10 anti-Valentine's Day movies guaranteed to kill romanticism stone dead.

10. Super Size Me (2004)

'Super Size Me' [Credit: Roadside Attractions]
'Super Size Me' [Credit: Roadside Attractions]

A guy with a porno beard relentlessly skyrocketing his cholesterol by stuffing his face with fries? Yup. That's what I'm watching on Valentine's Day.

Anti-Valentine's because... saturated fat is not an aphrodisiac.

See also:

9. Birth of a Nation (1915)

'Birth of a Nation' [Credit: David W. Griffith Corp.]
'Birth of a Nation' [Credit: David W. Griffith Corp.]

Hey, romantic types! How about a 3-hour, black and white silent movie glorifying the origins of the Ku Klux Klan? No? OK, I didn't think so.

Anti-Valentine's because... it's a 3-hour, black and white silent movie about the KKK.

8. Uzumaki (2000)

'Uzumaki' [Credit: Omega Micott]
'Uzumaki' [Credit: Omega Micott]

This Japanese trip-horror offering is so intensely confusing, you'll probably want to breathe slowly in and out of a paper bag for a couple of hours.

Anti-Valentine's because... it'll give you a panic attack.

7. Salo (1975)

'Salo' [Credit: United Artists]
'Salo' [Credit: United Artists]

By reducing all human interaction to a dogged procession of bestial rutting and unflinching sadism, Pasolini's triumphant Pornogeddon will suck every dreg of romanticism out of you.

Anti-Valentine's because... it'll make you sorrowful for humanity.

6. Van Wilder: Party Liaison (2002)

'Van Wilder: Party Liaison' [Credit: Artisan Entertainment]
'Van Wilder: Party Liaison' [Credit: Artisan Entertainment]

Not least because your date will judge you, Valentine's should steer clear of Van Wilder, because no romantic date ever started with watching some idiots eat donuts full of man-ooze.

Anti-Valentine's because... being childish about bodily functions is not hot. But it is funny.

5. Requiem For a Dream (2000)

'Requiem For a Dream' [Credit: Artisan Entertainment]
'Requiem For a Dream' [Credit: Artisan Entertainment]

Drug abuse, desperation, mental illness, perversion... Besides, it's so depressing you'll need to lie in a dark room. Three words: ass to ass.

Anti-Valentine's because... that is some dark sided shit.

4. 9 Songs (2004)

'9 Songs' [Credit: 	Optimum Releasing]
'9 Songs' [Credit: Optimum Releasing]

A tantalizing little bit of sex is sexy; that little frisson is vital for romantic types. The merciless barrage of unsimulated sex in 9 Songs, however, will just leave anyone watching with a date feeling awkward and a little sullied.

Anti-Valentine's because... turns out, 'too much sex' is actually a thing.

3. Barney's Great Adventure (1998)

'Barney's Great Adventure' [Credit: PolyGram]
'Barney's Great Adventure' [Credit: PolyGram]

Nothing flips the bird to Valentine's Day quite like eating microwave pizza in your pants, chugging no-brand whisky and watching Barney the Dinosaur chirp, wiggle and burn his bad-acid gyrations into your eyeballs.

Anti-Valentine's because... Barney the freakin' Dinosaur, man.

2. A Serbian Film

'A Serbian Film' [Credit: Contra Film]
'A Serbian Film' [Credit: Contra Film]

I once sat and read The Encyclopedia of Unusual Sex Practices in one sitting, which is unwise by anyone's estimation. Watching A Serbian Film was a similar experience. Namely, every known abuse and perversion made flesh.

Anti-Valentine's because... sexual depravity is not very Hallmark.

1. The Human Centipede Sequence (2010—)

'The Human Centipede 2' [Credit: Six Entertainment]
'The Human Centipede 2' [Credit: Six Entertainment]

Any or all Human Centipede movies will put the kibosh on any smoochy-smoochy. Unless you and your date are heavily into experimental sphincter surgery.

Anti-Valentine's because... just. revolting.

Share with someone else who hates Valentine's Day!

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