ByAmy Surprenant, writer at
I Write Therefore I Am...Obsessive and Compulsive
Amy Surprenant

I'll begin this by saying I know some will heatedly disagree with me on this topic, so I will not be responding to comments on this article.

Aside from the "novel" being poorly written and based off a Twilight fan-fiction, Fifty Shades of Grey completely misrepresents the BDSM community and encourages domestic violence and abuse.

A Redditor tried to bring it to folks' attention:

With Fifty Shades of Grey being made into a movie, I've tried to raise awareness how this book is not about BDSM, but rather domestic and sexual abuse. Many women argue that the relationship in the book is BDSM, but that paints BDSM in a bad light.
BDSM is a community that believes in safety & comfort. Consent is always necessary, and partners take care of each other. After acts and roleplays, partners comfort each other to help transition out of that zone. FSOG does not include any of this. Mr. Grey gives Anastasia (a then-virgin) an ultimatum; to sign a contract or leave. She is sexually inexperienced (being a virgin) and he manipulates that to push her boundaries to make it seem like the sexually violent things he is doing to her are okay. There are instances where after an act, he is mad at her for being upset, but does not comfort her. He uses alcohol to sway her consent - this is by law rape. There is also an instance where she uses the safe word, yet he continues. That is consent being retracted, and Christian ignores the retraction of consent. That is sexual assault.
Those are not the only problematic instances. Anastasia begins to hide things in fear of Christian's anger. He becomes jealous and easily angered. Anastasia fears for her safety. Experts have even matched her behavior with that of abused women, in accordance with the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention's description of partner violence.
This book completely throws people who participate in BDSM completely under the bus by misrepresenting BDSM as a whole. Bad people do sneak into BDSM to find a way to escape persecution for their violent ways, but the majority of those in BDSM are not abusive, like this book would have you believe.
This book romanticizes and fetishizes abuse, and painting abuse in a 'sexy' and 'fun' light is really dangerous for women. 1 in 5 women will experience domestic abuse in their lifetime, that's why this book should not be defended. Making this behavior seem okay to accept from a man is dangerous, and people will be influenced to dabble in 'BDSM,' but not have an actual idea of what it is, and they will get hurt.
It is up to every individual what they read, never anyone else. The point of this post is to point out how FSOG is problematic, not to police anyone's reading habits. I know many women (and men) defend this book and don't understand how it can be seen as abuse, but it is. And I hope more awareness will be raised so this does not influence others.

While I'm not a part of the BDSM community, I have been a domestic abuse/violence victim. And I will fight tooth and nail with these women who think non-consensual rape is totally okay. It's not. Never.

Domestic abuse victims tend to continually return to their tormentors for what they feel is love. It is not love. It is fear. I know this first hand. Had I not left when I did, I might be dead now, or at least close to it.

No, I did not read the book and no I will never see the movie. I tried. I opened the book to a random page to see how well it was written and was utterly disgusted. Something so poorly written (and in present tense no less, which is not very proper) should not be shoved down the masses throats posing as something it should never be.

I'm not telling anyone what to watch or what to read. I'm asking those of you who wish to read or have read it to please explore its world in depth a bit more. Domestic abuse and rape is never okay.

If you feel the need to watch something that is an actual representation of BDSM that has far more of a coherent plot...

Just watch porn.

If you are the victim of domestic abuse or violence, please call this FREE number 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).


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