Remember when drive-in theaters were associated with wholesome family entertainment and nostalgic Americana? Well, for some parents in Concord, California, drive-ins are now more likely to drum up images of BDSM sex scenes and Dakota Johnson's O-face.
Families who went to see [SpongeBob Squarepants: Sponge Out of Water](movie:575700) at the West Wind Solano Drive-In were shocked to be in close proximity to another drive-in screen—showing [Fifty Shades of Grey](movie:391697). Apparently, the theater's two screens point in different directions, but since they're in the same general area, it's nearly impossible to avoid catching glimpses of the other screen if your car ends up in the overlap zone.
As you can imagine, those that did end up within gawking distance of Christian Grey's Red Room of Pain were none too happy. One parent brought a huge group of kids to see Spongebob, but they ended up with an eyeful of a flashy flesh.
[On the screen] at the time there was a woman being slapped, naked, bound up… so, we had to have our children close their eyes,” she told KTVU. “I could see another car behind us that had children in there with their eyes closed.
Since the theater has not released a statement, it looks like the parents' reports are all we have to go on right now. As a result, here's my indubitably scientific reenactment of how the events took place, using the expressive guy that the kids actually wanted to see: Spongebob!
Kids peep the Fifty Shades screen
Who didn't feel that thrilling jolt of rebellion whenever they something they weren't supposed to? Throw in Dakota Johnson's boobs, and I'm willing to bet a lot of kids were doing the happy dance.
The parents are horrified
Many of whom, I'm sure, had the books lying around their homes in easy reach of their kids, but I digress...
All of the sudden, bondage accoutrements emerge
And kids quickly realize that they are in over their heads.
Parents furiously make their way home
They are not prepared to answer questions about riding crops and sex dungeons, but they power through.
Everyone is enlightened by a healthy conversation about sex
And everyone lives happily ever after. Hopefully.
Okay, so the BDSM-focused erotic film is probably not the best sight for young eyes, but this definitely isn't the fault of Fifty Shades of Grey. Plus, something tells me that the kids were eating this up (even if it was inappropriate), and the parents were the ones who were riled into a tizzy.
Maybe I'm being too callous, but I just can't help but giggle reading about this story. I'm imagining a caravan of minivans angrily peeling out of a drive-in, kids careening across the back seat and juice boxes spilling everywhere.