ByPaul 'Noggie' Simon, writer at

The erotic book had left the females around the globe with blushed cheeks, flushed chests and heavy breaths. The film left me wondering what all the fuss was about. Little giggles of delight when Mr Gray said a line of reference, coupled by the sharp intake of breath on the first flash of six pack. But as erotic as flushing a bacon roll down the toilet! The heavy set woman i was sat next to seemed to enjoy it. Every hint of chest was greeted by a brush of the hair, and a whif of body odour. The heat from her legs after the second bucket of popcorn would have easily popped more if the kernel was unpopped and in her lap. But the very worst of the whole experience was not that it was 2 plus hours of badly thrown together soft porn, but the fact i could actually smell her getting moist. Yes, i said it. Moist! Others clearly enjoyed the film, but it was dog poo to me. Old dog poo goes gray. But the whole thing was rushed to get on the bandwagon of erotic paperback and thats where it should have stayed. NEVER read a book then watch the film based on the book. You will always be left reeling by what they have missed, how the character vaguely resembles the one in your mind and why it is loosely based at best.


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