Jar Jar Abrams. The King of the Geeks. The Lord of hip tele-visuals. He's directing the next Star Wars flick (but only that one!). Fortunately, he has the lowest bar possible set by George Lucas via the prequel trilogy. So, he really can't fail in comparison to that. Still, he faces many challenges, not all of which he will be able to overcome. Here's how J.J. will continue the ruination of the franchise, all while saving its legacy:
Ruin: LENS FLARES
We all know Mr. Abrams' trick of temporarily blinding his audience while they are trying to take in his scenes. I, plus the rest of the world, do not see the need for this. Seeing it in a Star Wars film will be downright pathetic and distracting.
Save: GREAT VISUAL FX
J.J. isn't going to pull a Lucas-level botch of having actors stand around in front of static green screens. He is going to integrate the multilayered world around his characters to a degree that hasn't been seen yet in this series.
Ruin: MAKING IT TOO HIPSTERY
This series is supposed to be sacred providence of the nerds. While it's always had massive mainstream appeal, it never felt too cool for school. Now, people are going to be bragging that they liked the original movies before anyone heard of them.
Save: INJECTING SOME LIFE BACK INTO THE PROCEEDINGS
J.J. won't get anywhere close to the crushing tedium of Episodes I and II, or the child-killing miscalculations of Episode III. He's going to whisk us off to the slick adventure that people have been expecting since like the mid-90s.
Ruin: CONFLICT OF INTEREST WITH STAR TREK
Okay, so this really has nothing to do with the quality of the next Star Wars film…but it's just something that geeks, including myself, have been a little miffed about since it was announced... you just can't have the same man at the helm of the two biggest movie franchises with the word "Star" in the title. There's something fundamentally wrong about it. Give other people a shot at the big biscuit!
Save: HE UNDERSTANDS THE MATERIAL
He grew up as a fan, he's passionate, and he wants to see the finished product be great as much as anyone else. He's someone you can trust with your intellectual property, which is, of course, exactly why Disney hired him. He isn't going to embarrass himself or the cast and crew of the film. And after the Lucas debacle, isn't that good enough?