ByDavid McDermott, writer at Creators.co
TV Reviews with a Scottish flair...which is code for moaning a lot. Find more of my stuff at bm23tvreviews.com
David McDermott

What is there not to love about the Oscars? The richest and most glamorous people in celebrityland all get together and award each other with delightfully shiny statues to celebrate their success in the most glamorous media industry in the stratosphere. Yes the Oscars are pretty special and if that wasn’t good enough they also put on a show which lasts a good four hours or so to celebrate their own success! Yay!

Here you will find a critique of the actual show itself rather than the movies which are being awarded. It will delve into important issues like ‘did you see what she was wearing?’, ‘omg Adam Levine is dreamy!’ and other very important things.

NPH packing!
NPH packing!

What better way to start reviewing the show than to start with the host? Yes makes sense really. I like Neil Patrick Harris, he’s a swell guy, yes he was in what I’d describe as a bad television show for many years but he was the best part of a bad television show for many years and this is the guy that stole the show in Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle (classic Oscar snub). I liked the start, it was well done with the shadow play going on behind and Jack Black running in to try and steal the show (future Oscar’s host? One could dream) but as so often happens on nights like these he became marginalised as the show progressed. It’s hard to know why this always happens, maybe it’s a time constraint or maybe it’s because they don’t like his jokes, I don’t really know but it really makes the host look like a chump. I thought he did ok but I really expected more and ultimately came off disappointed. Everyone knows that Hollywood doesn’t like laughing at itself and that often hurts a presenters efforts, especially if they’re an outsider like NPH.

JK Simmons (or Jonah Jamieson to you and I) won and told everyone to call their parents…which as a white male I totally got because what white male doesn’t love their mummy? Patricia Arquette won and told everyone about women’s equality which as a white male I didn’t get at all because you know it’s something to do with women’s problems and I’m not one of them. We also received a performance of the song Everything is Awesome which as a white male I got because it’s white people rapping about how awesome Lego is and every white male loves Lego. John Legend and Common won for best original song and told everyone something about black people and how there’s lots in jail which as a white male…you get the picture.

One of the best moments of the ceremony was Pawel Pawlikowski the Polish guy who just talked through the band playing him off like he couldn’t give a fuck, and you know what he’s damn right. They wouldn’t start obnoxiously playing the best actor winner off after thirty seconds yet because you win what is deemed to be a lesser award, what you have to say is somehow less important? It further puts across the arrogance of the Hollywood elite, they give out these awards to the little people but in reality they don’t give two shits what they have to say. Another moment which I liked was when the winners of best documentary short were being played off only for one of the women to dedicate her win to her son who committed suicide earlier that year and the band just collectively went ‘oh shit.’ Naturally I don’t find the topic of suicide particularly funny but the formula for stopping the obnoxious music which plays over so many speeches has finally been discovered.

Best speech of the night for me went to Graham Moore of the Imitation Game who talked about how it’s ok to be different. In many ways it was a speech about the struggles which homosexuals go through being perceived as different but it is something which can really be implemented into so many different aspects of life. I also liked the first have of the Common/John Legend speech (the Common bit), however the second half was…a tad awkward.

Crying, wearing a red tux and still rocking it!
Crying, wearing a red tux and still rocking it!

Which leads the narrative nicely onto the whole whitiness of the Oscars this year. I can understand why people get annoyed by the fact that so few people who aren’t white are nominated for things but why is the outrage always the question of why there are no black nominees, rather than why there are no Asian nominees? Do we really want to get to the situation where the nominees aren’t necessarily there on merit but rather because of the colour of their skin? I don’t, but is that because I’m a white male living in a country which is full of white people watching a show which is dominated by white males? That part isn’t really for me to say but I would again say no. In a similar vein the plight of women in Hollywood should be brought up. Reese Witherspoon’s support for the ‘Ask Her More’ campaign got people talking about more than dresses which is great and Patricia Arquette made an impassioned speech about women’s equality issues, you know the multi-millionaire Arquette from the famous Arquette family…yeah it does sound like she’s had a tough life full on inequalities… Anyway I think it says a lot about the focus of movies when you look at the best actress categories and you see that only one of the five was also up for best picture (Felicity Jones in the Theory of Everything where she ironically is over shadowed by Eddie Redmayne), in comparison the four out of five of the best actor nominees were in best picture nominated films (Steve Carell in Foxcatcher being the only exception). I think that the issue for both minority and female actors is that the best movies which are currently being produced are centred on white males. The solution to changing the dynamic is not to sit and complain about it but to go out there and change the industry for the better and show the world that both minorities and women have a voice which should be heard in cinema.

Ironically the picture also has her dress...
Ironically the picture also has her dress...

I think it’s about time to get away from the more serious points of the Oscars and to get back to the sillier side. Once again John Travolta showed what an odd human being he is by rubbing any female who stood in a five yard radius, once again showing people that he definitely isn’t a homosexual… If that wasn’t odd enough John also managed to magically grow back his hair from a few months ago… Which would have been the oddest thing involving John Travolta that happened if it wasn’t for the fact that the Academy thought it would be a good idea to invite John Travolta back to present an award.

The face of pure horror,and Idina looks awkward too
The face of pure horror,and Idina looks awkward too

Julianne Moore won the best actress award, in the least surprising result of the night. Eddie Redmayne won the best actor award, further insinuating that every British person is in fact Hugh Grant. Yes a very good day for the gingers, a minority routinely bullied with taunts likes ‘ginger pubes’, ‘ginga ninja’ and ‘look at that fucking ginger twat!’ Breaking boundaries one step at a time!

It was also a big night for Mexicans! Yes Alejandro Gonzalez Inarritu came in and sweeped the board as he picked up three awards for Birdman. Yes it was a very good night for the Hispanics (you know, that made up race of people to describe those who live south of Texas) and they even received a good ol’ fashioned touch of insensitivity from the arsehole that is Sean Penn as he queried ‘who gave this guy a green card’, which is silly because as Fox News keeps telling me all the sneaky Mexicans don’t have green cards and just sneak over the border into glorious ‘Murica! I wonder if the outrage would have been a little louder if Penn had queried ‘who brought this guy’s ancestors over on a boat?’ It is typical of Mexicans though, stealing peoples jobs and now they’ve became so engrained that they are now stealing awards from hard working WASPs.

A Mexican who was the given the green card!
A Mexican who was the given the green card!

As always the Oscars were pretty shit but I enjoyed it anyway, there were lots of passionate speeches about stuff and things and lots of apologising to black people for not nominating them for awards, just a prototypical Oscars really. Birdman was the big winner and the show had all the sorts of left wing politicising which Middle America loves so much and makes little to no sense to the rest of the world.

So what did you think of the Oscars? Were you tearing up with the crowd when Glory was being belted out? Did you wonder why so many guys were wearing tighty whities? And are you hoping that Jack Black and Oprah will team up together next year to make the most awesome presenting partnership on the planet? Well leave a comment and let everyone know. Plus you can find more of this iffy content by checking out the bm23reviews Facebook and Twitter pages or check out the motherpage at bm23tvreviews.com because why the fuck not?

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